Moses speaking to Joshua

Just recently Pastor emailed me and described me being like Moses and here I am faced with a Joshua. =)

Joshua was my Institute Duty Sergeant(IDS) when I was performing my duty as Assistant School Duty Officer(ASDO) on Thursday. I forgot what we were talking about but I just remembered him commenting that I've got a Christian face. I'll take that as an absolute compliment. =) That was the point that we began to share a little bit more about our back ground and I got to know a little more about him.

I'm always glad to be able to find believers in camp so that we can in some way encourage one another like how I used to with my bed buddy Matthew =). So we talked and it came to a point when we talk about Salvation and what it really means. If people who had faith but did bad things go to Heaven? If Salvation could be lost etc. We also touched on the issue of living in the flesh and in the Spirit.

It so happened I'm reading this book called 'Going back to your First Love'. And it touches on these topics in the 1^st few chapters that I'm reading and guess what I have the book with me right there in the Ops room. I quickly turned and found what we've been talking there. Praise God! I quickly noted the chapters while he left for some duty. initially wanting him to read and return it to me by the end of our duty the next day but i thought that he needs it more then I do and so I lent it to him hoping God will use that book mightily to touch him.

I''m just grateful God can use me and can still work through me.

Lord I hope you show Joshua who you really are and what you really mean in your words that he may find understanding and faith in you. Lord help him learn his name sake and realize he is called by you for greater works. To live in the Spirit may take sacrifices but what are those sacrifices compared to the great riches of your Kingdom and most importantly you Love and knowing we live a life pleasing unto you. Bless him in the name of Jesus. Amen

Holy Communion and admitting to my mistakes

I just want to write this to show that I'm no less human then everyone out there. I'm not perfect and I've fallen short, way short of the glory of God.

I used vulgarities on Cassandra and of course it hurt her. I said it just when we hang up. I had thought she didnt hear it as she hang up so quickly which I was grateful for cause I didnt mean it. I was just overwhelmed by all the frustration building up on the inside of me. But I regretted in the moment it came out and assuming she didnt hear me, I immediately prayed and confessed asking for forgiveness from God. The funny thing was that I just read about how no one can make you curl your fingers into a fist and how no one and work your muscles such that your arm arches back and push forward in a punch even when they've done something against you. In the same way she may have done something against me but that gave me no excuse for allowing my tongue and lips to form those curse words which I use to praise God as well. I do pray for forgiveness. I slept soon after but had fitful sleep and woke from a nightmare at 1. Again I asked prayed partly believing that the nightmare was a result of me opening myself to the devil by using my tongue for unfruitful talk.

I only came to realize that she knew about it in church the next day when I was told by Vondra whom she confided to. I was regretful that she heard me afterall and have hurt her. I didnt know what to do or how I should go about apologising. Then as Holy Communion came, the thought about what was said in Matthew5:21-23 came to me. To be recounciled with my brother or in this case my sister before offering a gift(myself) to the Lord. I took my Holy Communion wanting to apologise though she was reluctant to speak to me. In the end I managed to apologise to her and we took the Holy Communion together, speaking of our recounciling together. =)

It wasn't an experience I would want again but none the least I have learn from it and most importantly as I put it down in words here, I want to be accountable for my life that I will not make this mistake again. To let anger have me and allow it to get the better of me making me do things that I'll regret. In fact I believe it is so with all other emotions. No matter how upset or angry, we should never let our feelings dictate our actions as feelings are often not a true dipiction of the truth. They misled you to believe in lies and when you act upon them, regret is bound to follow.

Lord I thank you for recounciling our friendship and at the same time recounciling me back to you and allowing your righteousness to cover me. I know you desire for us to grow into maturity and wisdom so help us to recieve them as you so freely pour down from heaven your insights and wisdom.

The Lord running with me for Army Half Marathon and forever more

In my previous post, I talked about God running towards me. Man did I get a shock to know He never stopped running after that. He didnt stop running with you too, His running the 'race' with you as well. The race that will win you and me a crown. =)

But He pretty literally ran with we on Sunday during AHM. It was a wonderful experience. Allow me to be slightly more narrative below-

Dawn has yet to come, the sky still dark and we're gathered on the bridge right across Fullerton Hotel. 0515 came and we were flagged off by the Chief Of Army, Major General Chan Chun Seng. People started off real fast, running ahead so that they can sufficient space. 3 of us who agreed to pace ourselves and run together sticked together ran relatively slower not wanting to give ourselves to the adrenaline rush.

Slowly we moved on, crossing the 1Km mark, the 2nd and the 3rd. At about 5Km, the 2 of them more warmed up started to run faster which I wasn't ready to do so they went ahead. For pretty much of the journey I was running without any team mates but with strangers. Though strangers, yet they were a source of motivation and encouragement.

Little by little, I ran praying here and there. Soon I reached the F1 paddock where I saw one of my team mate. I stayed with him and told him that we'll finish it together since it's just 3Km from the end. But as it was too much for his leg, he told me to go on. I went remembering that our corporate timing will determine our position so I went.

This was the point when the thought about the scripture on the race came to me. It occured to me that our walk with God may be compared to that of a race. We start off with a few friends(usually) and they may be there for the initial start growing at about the same rate. Adreanline levels are all high in the beginning wanting to strive, thats why some friends went ahead. Along the way people start to realize everyone is different and grow at different rates or perhaps relationships are strained. Whatever the reason, sometimes our walk with God becomes lonely and we find ourselves running the race alone. A little daunting but there are strangers who are continuing their 'run' and you take encouragements from the books they write and their 'run'. Soon along the way you meet back people who started with you. they're alone too and they're facing problems with continuing. You decide to stay with them and encourage them wanting to finish the 'run' with them strong that both of you may get the crown(medal). But alas some may still give up no matter what you may say. So you continue alone. But wait a moment, when have we been alone? Haven't God been running along side with us all this while? Be it us stopping for a drink, leaning by the edge wanting to give up, running our hearts out, He was there by our side. He have been patiently running with me.

I recalled the moments of my walk and I can't help remembering the days when I was an ensign carrying the colours(flag) of my battalion for NDP last year as I ran past that route. And other moments and I recall that God have never really left my side and He have been running alongside me all this while. I was filled with gratitude and for a moment or 2 I had tears in my eye. Though of course it could be due to me perspiration getting into my eyes. =p But you get the point. He ran with me and He still is.

Are you running this same race? Do you find yourself alone in this race? You're not! People may leave but He who have promised His spirit to you have never left and never wants to leave us. He is more then willing to run this race with you and whatever race you have in your life. You just have to allow him to. =)

God Bless your run!

Suffering

While God will not always remove our suffering, He will always enter our suffering with us - Winn Collier

Isn't it true that we're stumbled by suffering all over the World. Its not just the believers who curse at God when disasters fall and they ask why can't a good God prevent or do something about it? Actually we secretly ask ourselves the same thing not knowing what to reply. Most simply turn back to faith and believe that all this has a greater purpose in the greater picture of God and His kingdom thought not understanding. And because we don't experience it 1st hand, it is much easier to brush it aside and ignore it.

What I want to say is suffering is real and it happens to EVERYONE. At certain points of your life, you'll go through different degrees of suffering/pain. In the Buddhist teaching of 生老病死, the 病 is more effectively translated to suffering/pain. It is a process that people go through and grow in. No one grows in comfort, but in suffering do we reflect and actively grow out of the suffering. However I do not deny that it too have caused many wayward thinkings and have caused more suffering by extreme people. What I want to point out is there is a need for suffering in this world for us to grow.

I too have a period of time in my life when suffering was real(not that its not now) and I can't help looking to God and asking why. I can't help asking why can't he do something about it. I can't help wondering what a good God has in relation to the bad things that are happening to me or anyone else. I cannot explain fathom those great thoughts and as I wallow deeper into self pity and sorrow, the further I walk away from God. Together with the doubts already in my heart, my mind played a symphony of how this God is not real and that what I'm believing all this while is merely something that I deliberate myself to believe in. Further and further I walked. Further and further I got away from delivered. The suffering never really lifted and it was always upon my shoulders. But a book came along named 'THE SHACK". It brought me to a new realization of who God is and what He is doing through all this suffering.

To cut it short, A man lost his daughter to a serial killer of young children. He then one day got a note to go back to the place where she was killed by God. Wondering if it was a cruel joke, he went back wanting to face 'the great sorrow'. He met God there and God changed his perception and his life. He ultimately faced up to the suffering and got back into right standing with God. A recommendation to all. Discover for yourself who God is and what He wants to do with suffering through you. There's a great lesson on forgiveness in there too. =)

This book like I mentioned in my previous entry is why I finally came back into the presence of God again and seeing for myself what I've missed out on and though I may not have totally relinquish my suffering, I'm moving towards it allowing His spirit to change and mould me. Oh and remember, He may seem far when you're suffering but actually His right there.

Father I thank you for the suffering you've brought me through. You may not take away those moments from us but You have always been with us. Lord I can only ask that you teach me and enlighten me on this and help me to reach out to a World filled with suffering and help them see that You are still working in the midst and that You have a great plan for Your people. In the name of Jesus, Amen!

I came back finding God running towards me =)

Its been so long since I last penned down my thoughts and journal like I has resoluted. It is a great pity considering how much have happened over the past few months. But no matter, cause here I am back to put down my thoughts and praying that through them I may acknowledge His grace.

For these past few months, His grace have been sufficient. I came to a deeper realization of what His grace means to me for I like the world have been misguided. I thank God for the books, musical(Thanks Matt), and very important people I call friends(though some of them I call bros) and of course my very own brother(from the same mother like how he always says it). They have been a tangible source of God's love to me and demonstration of how nothing could seperate me from the Love of God. Even as I just reviewed my own posts and a comment left anonymously, I realized how much God have endowed upon me and yet how I've chosen to live life my way and stubbornly seek myself, in the midst making decisions that I regret and mistakes that I can never right. But it is perhaps in my fraility that God's majesty and power(dunamis) may be shown, for I've experienced His strength when I find myself weak and ashamed.

Dear Lord I just want to come into acknowledgment of all that you've done for me. I may have stubbornly chosen my own ways but yet you've never given up on me. Your love so amazing and Your grace so sweet. Lord I can only ask that you keep me in your presence and never take your Hold Spirit away from me. Lord forgive me for being the prodigal son and thank you for receiving me just like how the father received the prodigal son in Luke15:11-32, GOD, YOU RAN! Lord its not the 1st time I realized this but yet I've still turned away from you... I may not be deserving of Your love nor Your grace but yet You have never been disappointed enough to say that You've had enough with me. What can I say but Thank You Lord.

P.S. to the anonymous commentor, if you do read this again, I want you to know that your words have been God sent and the knowledge of which you spoke about have inspired me to continue writing and I hope I'll not stop and that I'll be able to use my life to speak of God's great Love and grace =)