Visiting in the Hospital

This Monday as I was reflecting on the words of God and spending time in His presence in my corner of the office, Ron came in. He came with a bad news that the father of a friend of ours is in Intensive Care Unit(ICU) and requires a miracle so he came to look for me to pray. What timing eh? But what timing too when I'm going to Tekong the next day. But of course being out in the field is not going to change the fact that I can still seek Him and pray. Afterall where better to pray than in the wilderness?

Then when I came back on Thursday night, Ron brought up that our friend is keen on having us visit and to pray for his dad. Praise God for his receptiveness. Thank God that Paul have already offered to go with me on Monday night. So we planned and arranged for us to go.

So we went yesterday =) My 1st hospital visitation to pray. (next time I'll pray whenever I go) We got there to find out that just yesterday, the sister, a fellow sister in Christ, have gotten a pastor down and the father had readily accepted the Lord as his personal Savior. With that we went and allowed him to pour out his concern and his heart. After which we prayed. Paul went 1st in English, being too humble to use Chinese and I translated and prayed using Chinese to the best of my knowledge. He received the prayer and blessings readily and cheerfully which was a great bonus. Then we subsequently joined Aunty who was taking care of Lynette, the grand daughter. We got to hear their frustrations and fears and I thought it good that we should pray but Paul being the wiser did not follow up on my suggestion and so I took his cues. Later he explained that Aunty is stressed and that it was not as appropriate. So I learn.

THANKS Paul for your guidance and you company. Even as you said my prayer was beautiful and presence are probably what touched them the most, I want you to know that your presence there and your guidance have given me the courage and have touched me the most. =) What an ENCOURAGER. You should so adopt Barnabas as your 3rd name after Elisha. =D

So Father I thank you for the opportunity to use me and at the same time blessing me with such a great friend to guide and help me. A truly wonderful experience. Lord I truly hope you could show them who you are in the midst of their troubles and cause the whole household to trust in your Name and they will call upon your name, Your beautiful name ... JESUS!

Moses speaking to Joshua

Just recently Pastor emailed me and described me being like Moses and here I am faced with a Joshua. =)

Joshua was my Institute Duty Sergeant(IDS) when I was performing my duty as Assistant School Duty Officer(ASDO) on Thursday. I forgot what we were talking about but I just remembered him commenting that I've got a Christian face. I'll take that as an absolute compliment. =) That was the point that we began to share a little bit more about our back ground and I got to know a little more about him.

I'm always glad to be able to find believers in camp so that we can in some way encourage one another like how I used to with my bed buddy Matthew =). So we talked and it came to a point when we talk about Salvation and what it really means. If people who had faith but did bad things go to Heaven? If Salvation could be lost etc. We also touched on the issue of living in the flesh and in the Spirit.

It so happened I'm reading this book called 'Going back to your First Love'. And it touches on these topics in the 1^st few chapters that I'm reading and guess what I have the book with me right there in the Ops room. I quickly turned and found what we've been talking there. Praise God! I quickly noted the chapters while he left for some duty. initially wanting him to read and return it to me by the end of our duty the next day but i thought that he needs it more then I do and so I lent it to him hoping God will use that book mightily to touch him.

I''m just grateful God can use me and can still work through me.

Lord I hope you show Joshua who you really are and what you really mean in your words that he may find understanding and faith in you. Lord help him learn his name sake and realize he is called by you for greater works. To live in the Spirit may take sacrifices but what are those sacrifices compared to the great riches of your Kingdom and most importantly you Love and knowing we live a life pleasing unto you. Bless him in the name of Jesus. Amen

Holy Communion and admitting to my mistakes

I just want to write this to show that I'm no less human then everyone out there. I'm not perfect and I've fallen short, way short of the glory of God.

I used vulgarities on Cassandra and of course it hurt her. I said it just when we hang up. I had thought she didnt hear it as she hang up so quickly which I was grateful for cause I didnt mean it. I was just overwhelmed by all the frustration building up on the inside of me. But I regretted in the moment it came out and assuming she didnt hear me, I immediately prayed and confessed asking for forgiveness from God. The funny thing was that I just read about how no one can make you curl your fingers into a fist and how no one and work your muscles such that your arm arches back and push forward in a punch even when they've done something against you. In the same way she may have done something against me but that gave me no excuse for allowing my tongue and lips to form those curse words which I use to praise God as well. I do pray for forgiveness. I slept soon after but had fitful sleep and woke from a nightmare at 1. Again I asked prayed partly believing that the nightmare was a result of me opening myself to the devil by using my tongue for unfruitful talk.

I only came to realize that she knew about it in church the next day when I was told by Vondra whom she confided to. I was regretful that she heard me afterall and have hurt her. I didnt know what to do or how I should go about apologising. Then as Holy Communion came, the thought about what was said in Matthew5:21-23 came to me. To be recounciled with my brother or in this case my sister before offering a gift(myself) to the Lord. I took my Holy Communion wanting to apologise though she was reluctant to speak to me. In the end I managed to apologise to her and we took the Holy Communion together, speaking of our recounciling together. =)

It wasn't an experience I would want again but none the least I have learn from it and most importantly as I put it down in words here, I want to be accountable for my life that I will not make this mistake again. To let anger have me and allow it to get the better of me making me do things that I'll regret. In fact I believe it is so with all other emotions. No matter how upset or angry, we should never let our feelings dictate our actions as feelings are often not a true dipiction of the truth. They misled you to believe in lies and when you act upon them, regret is bound to follow.

Lord I thank you for recounciling our friendship and at the same time recounciling me back to you and allowing your righteousness to cover me. I know you desire for us to grow into maturity and wisdom so help us to recieve them as you so freely pour down from heaven your insights and wisdom.

The Lord running with me for Army Half Marathon and forever more

In my previous post, I talked about God running towards me. Man did I get a shock to know He never stopped running after that. He didnt stop running with you too, His running the 'race' with you as well. The race that will win you and me a crown. =)

But He pretty literally ran with we on Sunday during AHM. It was a wonderful experience. Allow me to be slightly more narrative below-

Dawn has yet to come, the sky still dark and we're gathered on the bridge right across Fullerton Hotel. 0515 came and we were flagged off by the Chief Of Army, Major General Chan Chun Seng. People started off real fast, running ahead so that they can sufficient space. 3 of us who agreed to pace ourselves and run together sticked together ran relatively slower not wanting to give ourselves to the adrenaline rush.

Slowly we moved on, crossing the 1Km mark, the 2nd and the 3rd. At about 5Km, the 2 of them more warmed up started to run faster which I wasn't ready to do so they went ahead. For pretty much of the journey I was running without any team mates but with strangers. Though strangers, yet they were a source of motivation and encouragement.

Little by little, I ran praying here and there. Soon I reached the F1 paddock where I saw one of my team mate. I stayed with him and told him that we'll finish it together since it's just 3Km from the end. But as it was too much for his leg, he told me to go on. I went remembering that our corporate timing will determine our position so I went.

This was the point when the thought about the scripture on the race came to me. It occured to me that our walk with God may be compared to that of a race. We start off with a few friends(usually) and they may be there for the initial start growing at about the same rate. Adreanline levels are all high in the beginning wanting to strive, thats why some friends went ahead. Along the way people start to realize everyone is different and grow at different rates or perhaps relationships are strained. Whatever the reason, sometimes our walk with God becomes lonely and we find ourselves running the race alone. A little daunting but there are strangers who are continuing their 'run' and you take encouragements from the books they write and their 'run'. Soon along the way you meet back people who started with you. they're alone too and they're facing problems with continuing. You decide to stay with them and encourage them wanting to finish the 'run' with them strong that both of you may get the crown(medal). But alas some may still give up no matter what you may say. So you continue alone. But wait a moment, when have we been alone? Haven't God been running along side with us all this while? Be it us stopping for a drink, leaning by the edge wanting to give up, running our hearts out, He was there by our side. He have been patiently running with me.

I recalled the moments of my walk and I can't help remembering the days when I was an ensign carrying the colours(flag) of my battalion for NDP last year as I ran past that route. And other moments and I recall that God have never really left my side and He have been running alongside me all this while. I was filled with gratitude and for a moment or 2 I had tears in my eye. Though of course it could be due to me perspiration getting into my eyes. =p But you get the point. He ran with me and He still is.

Are you running this same race? Do you find yourself alone in this race? You're not! People may leave but He who have promised His spirit to you have never left and never wants to leave us. He is more then willing to run this race with you and whatever race you have in your life. You just have to allow him to. =)

God Bless your run!

Suffering

While God will not always remove our suffering, He will always enter our suffering with us - Winn Collier

Isn't it true that we're stumbled by suffering all over the World. Its not just the believers who curse at God when disasters fall and they ask why can't a good God prevent or do something about it? Actually we secretly ask ourselves the same thing not knowing what to reply. Most simply turn back to faith and believe that all this has a greater purpose in the greater picture of God and His kingdom thought not understanding. And because we don't experience it 1st hand, it is much easier to brush it aside and ignore it.

What I want to say is suffering is real and it happens to EVERYONE. At certain points of your life, you'll go through different degrees of suffering/pain. In the Buddhist teaching of 生老病死, the 病 is more effectively translated to suffering/pain. It is a process that people go through and grow in. No one grows in comfort, but in suffering do we reflect and actively grow out of the suffering. However I do not deny that it too have caused many wayward thinkings and have caused more suffering by extreme people. What I want to point out is there is a need for suffering in this world for us to grow.

I too have a period of time in my life when suffering was real(not that its not now) and I can't help looking to God and asking why. I can't help asking why can't he do something about it. I can't help wondering what a good God has in relation to the bad things that are happening to me or anyone else. I cannot explain fathom those great thoughts and as I wallow deeper into self pity and sorrow, the further I walk away from God. Together with the doubts already in my heart, my mind played a symphony of how this God is not real and that what I'm believing all this while is merely something that I deliberate myself to believe in. Further and further I walked. Further and further I got away from delivered. The suffering never really lifted and it was always upon my shoulders. But a book came along named 'THE SHACK". It brought me to a new realization of who God is and what He is doing through all this suffering.

To cut it short, A man lost his daughter to a serial killer of young children. He then one day got a note to go back to the place where she was killed by God. Wondering if it was a cruel joke, he went back wanting to face 'the great sorrow'. He met God there and God changed his perception and his life. He ultimately faced up to the suffering and got back into right standing with God. A recommendation to all. Discover for yourself who God is and what He wants to do with suffering through you. There's a great lesson on forgiveness in there too. =)

This book like I mentioned in my previous entry is why I finally came back into the presence of God again and seeing for myself what I've missed out on and though I may not have totally relinquish my suffering, I'm moving towards it allowing His spirit to change and mould me. Oh and remember, He may seem far when you're suffering but actually His right there.

Father I thank you for the suffering you've brought me through. You may not take away those moments from us but You have always been with us. Lord I can only ask that you teach me and enlighten me on this and help me to reach out to a World filled with suffering and help them see that You are still working in the midst and that You have a great plan for Your people. In the name of Jesus, Amen!

I came back finding God running towards me =)

Its been so long since I last penned down my thoughts and journal like I has resoluted. It is a great pity considering how much have happened over the past few months. But no matter, cause here I am back to put down my thoughts and praying that through them I may acknowledge His grace.

For these past few months, His grace have been sufficient. I came to a deeper realization of what His grace means to me for I like the world have been misguided. I thank God for the books, musical(Thanks Matt), and very important people I call friends(though some of them I call bros) and of course my very own brother(from the same mother like how he always says it). They have been a tangible source of God's love to me and demonstration of how nothing could seperate me from the Love of God. Even as I just reviewed my own posts and a comment left anonymously, I realized how much God have endowed upon me and yet how I've chosen to live life my way and stubbornly seek myself, in the midst making decisions that I regret and mistakes that I can never right. But it is perhaps in my fraility that God's majesty and power(dunamis) may be shown, for I've experienced His strength when I find myself weak and ashamed.

Dear Lord I just want to come into acknowledgment of all that you've done for me. I may have stubbornly chosen my own ways but yet you've never given up on me. Your love so amazing and Your grace so sweet. Lord I can only ask that you keep me in your presence and never take your Hold Spirit away from me. Lord forgive me for being the prodigal son and thank you for receiving me just like how the father received the prodigal son in Luke15:11-32, GOD, YOU RAN! Lord its not the 1st time I realized this but yet I've still turned away from you... I may not be deserving of Your love nor Your grace but yet You have never been disappointed enough to say that You've had enough with me. What can I say but Thank You Lord.

P.S. to the anonymous commentor, if you do read this again, I want you to know that your words have been God sent and the knowledge of which you spoke about have inspired me to continue writing and I hope I'll not stop and that I'll be able to use my life to speak of God's great Love and grace =)

Possessions or are you Possessed?

Once again I'm writing on the rich young man. Seems like there's tonnes to learn from him. Its about his possessions this time. What did you think he possessed? He had a lot of money, probably a huge mansion, a nice carriage(a sports car in today's time) and many material comfort amongst many other things I believe. MANY POSSESSIONS which Jesus asked him to sell away and give to the poor but he went away sad because he had great wealth, POSSESSIONS.

Possession according to www.dictionary.com means "a thing possessed"

However do we possess things or have those things possessed us? More often then not, we get possess by our 'possessions'. We take great pride in our belongings and we proudly announced, this is mine, that is mine and so we get attached to them. When something happens to this things, we then get affected. Take for example, your car got scratched, I think the mere thought gets you uncomfortable. Just think about something you possess and matter a lot to you being damaged in front of you. Wouldn't your day be spoilt, your mood get affected? Realize how your state of happiness all of a sudden became dependent on all your things?

The rich young man had great wealth and many possessions but in actual fact the possessions possessed him and thats why he couldn't let go of them. He have attached himself to all the things and thus letting go would be painful undesirable. It is like a chain that is attached to him. That is why we term the act of giving up all we have to follow Christ dying. Because it is the giving up of all that we possess which is painful and undesirable like death. In death we have to give up our lives, the memories of all that we've experienced, the things we possessed and thus is a frightening process. However it shouldn't be as we'll be freed from the chains of sicknesses and frailty of life in death. It is the losing of those things that we hold dear that made death take on a frightening and painful facet.

Jesus is interested in setting us free from all this that binds us to the world, it is the freedom that He is talking about. To remove the chain of possessions from us. To live is to Christ(in dedication to following Him), to die is to gain(freedom).

Looking Beyond

On the Eve of Lunar New Year, we went over to my Wai Po's place to have reunion dinner with Wai Pol, Jiu Jiu and Rose and I manage to learn something from Jiu Jiu.

We went up to the 3rd floor to the open air garden and chit chat, my brother, my uncle and myself. The garden is absolutely beautiful thanks to my uncle and Rose's care and love poured into it. So we chatted and found out how this garden even came about. It started many years back when the roof used to choke and rain poured over unto the coffee shop and cause a mess. So my Jiu Jiu have no choice but to go go all the way up the the roof and clear the leaves that were choking the sewage pipes up on the roof. As the roof was flat and just covered in cement instead of tiles, he always take a moment to himself up there feeling the breeze and looked around before descending the ladder to the bustle of business. And it was in those moments that he thought to himself how great it'll be if he could have a roof top garden. And so he did when he renovated the house about 8 years ago. He included the stairs to the roof and fence it up and started to build himself a roof top garden by planting and decorating with appropriate furnitures[I went with him to get some of them =)]. 8 years from then, the garden today is beautiful and we can enjoy ourselves and just relax up in the rooftop chit chatting.

So life sometimes carries with it many trouble and mess that we have to clear up but in the midst of clearing them up, we find that it could be a door to discover opportunities for improving our lives. Not all bad things that happen is for bad, we need to look beyond and realize that it may just be an opportunity for something good to happen. =)

Love

There's no loved cause it doesn't stop just because the person is not around anymore.

Beware and alert even as you become a disciple (280210)

Even as we become disciples, we must still be alert and be careful to not allow ourselves to fall away. For it is a daily decision and effort to take up the cross and follow Him.

Look and study Judas and you will know that even someone as close as within the 12 can fall away so who are we to say that we will not be tempted. Pride comes before a fall. How very true. Judas as many know as the disciple that betrayed Jesus was appointed as the treasurer. Thus it would seem there was a time when they trusted him, knew he was wise with money and perhaps even had something about him that made them believe he would be the last to take from them. Like the other 12, he too gave up all that he had and followed Jesus. However he allowed temptations to lure him back to a life of sin. John 12:6 speaks of how he took from the money meant for them.

Thats the start of allowing evil into your life. Stealing, depriving others of having the right to possess it. It started small from taking money to the life of his Lord. No matter how small a sin you're committing, it will grow and manifest itself through the evil thoughts and intentions as your conscience is slowly but inevitably being eroded away as you satisfy your earthly pleasures and desires. Even King David, a lover of God, committed adultery. Surely it was not an overnight turn of heart but a process over time of allowing his mind to dwell in lust and finally leading to the shameful act.

Unless we repent and turn, it is more than likely that one sin will lead to another and landslide to a life of sin which will be extremely difficult to get out of. Remeber every sin, big or small is the same in His eyes. Sin is Sin! However He is faithful to forgive if we just confess. So lets not cover up sin with sin anymore but recouncil back with the God that came and love us despite our sins.

It may not be easy and a struggle each day to deny the flesh but still do it and above all else seek after the heart of God diligently and faithfully and He will keep your path straight. =)

GIVE THANKS

I guess I've been overly caught by self pity and feelings. I have many things to give thanks for compared to many people. I'm well and healthy and I do have people who love me and respect me. I must be thankful and choose to look at the bright side cause its all in the decisions we make. That's life. Our decisions DETERMINES our lives. I think I've posted this before so guess I'm relearning it again. =) No harm recaping. Afterall I think many people did enjoy that night. So its my pleasure to bring happiness to others.

I just read through the article on Haiti and realized how caught up I am in my own world that I forget that This world needs my prayer and help.

Lord I ask in the name of Jesus that you help us see beyond ourselves and to open our eyes to a world of need and suffering where your word and presence is capable of restoring peace and joy. Lord help us bring your word and spread it far and wide that many may come to share and know of your amazing LOVE. Come lets worship! =)

What I think

Hereditary disease? I think they that it is as John 9 says, Neither this man nor the parents sinned but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. No doubt through Adam, we as his decendents are plagued with this hereditary disease of sin, but it did not happened so that we may suffer. God definitely do not rejoice at you suffering over such pain for no good reason. All this happened that GOD MIGHT BE DISPLAYED IN HIS LIFE! So lets pray and believe together that God will heal!

My Real Hurts

The Birthday celebration went well enough. I managed to do up the decorations with the help of my Bros and bro and get everything sorted out. Even when food ran out, the contingency worked out fine and it wasn't too big a hick up. The only regret was that it seem like I've neglected some people and have not been a good host. But ultimately I am not pleased nor happy. Well I did enjoy the company and simply presence of those that I love, my buddies in OCS, Matt and Jun Quan, Choir mates from Aureole, Min and my Bros. BUT I am unhappy cause no one except for a few cares. I feel alone and abandoned and unloved. VERY.

The reason why I even have a celebration is simply because my mum got pressurized to do it or it'll look bad on her. If not, it'll just be another year and I would have been happy to spend it like any other day because the only significance to me about a birthday is that its the start of one's life. Furthermore I see no significance in the age 21. Does the Bible say anything about young man and woman turning 21? NO! its a custom, tradition, a practice that people in this generation have that says you earn your right as an adult and the key to your life is presented to you(in a metaphorical sense). Guess what I've long earned that right though not all might agree and it is definitely NOT earn by the number of years you live. My father have long given me free reign. With guidance of course. So to me it means nothing to me that I'm turning 21 other then that fact that I'm older now.

I simply cannot understand why have a celebration if it was never intended to celebrate? Why say its for my birthday when the point is not about me(Not that I want it to be)? Why do you suggest it when you have absolutely no intentions of helping in any way? I had thought that the idea of a birthday celebration is to celebrate the life of a person, to make him/her happy. Apparently not in my case. I was not only unhappy but unloved, dejected and used. WHY DO I HAVE TO PLAN MY OWN BIRTHDAY, PAY FOR MY OWN BIRTHDAY AND DO EVERY OTHER THING MYSELF WHEN I DON'T WANT IT? WHY? Alright for God you say, for my parents, fine, I'll do it which I did. I did it to the best I can, washing the place, designing and decorating the place, design the cake, name it and I had a hand in it. WHY SUGGEST WHEN YOU HAVE NO INTENTIONS OF DOING ANYTHING FOR ME? Celebrate my Birthday? hahaha it's not in the least funny.

Wishing people happy birthday made me think about people wishing me happy birthday and me trying to force out a smile. What so happy about birthdays? Other people had their parents, friends to help them plan and organize to surprise them, to make them happy? what did I get? NOTHING

So whose going to share my burden? I helped carry others but who is going to help me? Who do I have left but the Lord? But it seems even He have chosen to leave me alone or maybe its a phase of growing up. I'll choose to believe its the later. That's why we call it faith? Choosing to believe.

Lord take my hurts and replace it with your joy. Men disappoint but You do not.

The Last Week of January

Its been a hectic week having Instructor's Development Programme, Planning for Friday night for my BRO gang and For Saturday night. Sometimes don't you just wish you have a personal assistant to help you take care of certain administrative matters while you can focus on more important things like planning and so on.

Currently I feel like I'm just planning all this so that my parents will be pleased. I'm rather sure that if Aunt Sarah haven't kept asking my mum and if not for Wei Ting's Birthday, I won't be celebrating mine. Its not really for me cause if it is, why am I doing all the things? The buffet, the cake, the place, the arrangement of activities, the decorations... My celebration? For me? or for them? And in fact we're celebrating my parent's 22nd Anniversary. So yup its for them. And I in my midst of traveling up and down Jurong and Hougang almost 3 times a week is not spared from having to oversee everything and to do everything myself. I'm tired and sick of having to please people. I really cannot be very bothered anymore. =(

Anyway praise God that He have been graceful though and have provided me in terms of transport and all. Take this Wednesday, I needed to be in camp by 6 and cause of Aureole Practice the night before I have to sleep at home. I'll have to wake up at 5 to catch a cab. There's no way of catching apublic transport and still being on time. Whats more I have to go get my equipment and gears from my bunk which is a far off place from my office, where we're supposed to gather. BUt Praise God, He arranged for my dad to go to Jurong for live firining that day. So not only do I not need to wake up that early but also get a free ride. On top of that he drove me to my bunk pick up my gear and drove me to my office! Of course I give thanks for having a great dad whose willing to do all these for me as well but you can't deny that God is good. =) A great natural father and a Great Heavenly father, well guess I have less to complain than I think I have.

Lord, I pray that you will help ease the trouble in my heart and see that it's alright to plan all the things by myself. Its preparing me to plan for greater events. I need all the exposure and experience that I can get. Whats more I have a group of Bros who will stick by me to help me on Sat. They may not be believers but they I believe they will one day see that you are not just a far off God. You're my Father and their Father. Father, I'm thankful for all that you've done for me all this time. The past 21 years. I may not have known you for a very long time but definitely You've known me for all my life. You're the one who formed me in your image and has blessed me richly. I've experienced life and seen enough to know briefly how I should and want to live my life. I just ask that you'll reveal more Wisdom through your word that I may live my life wisely, righteously, pleasing in your sight. Help me always to see the bright side of things and choose to oversee the negative side. In Jesus's name, Amen!

The start of discipleship

I still remember about a year ago, I wrote an entry concerning my spiritual state at that moment being comparable to the rich young man mentioned in Matthew 19:16-30, Mark 10:17-30 and Luke 18:18-30. But Praise God, I believe I'm now moving on to identify myself with the other disciples rather then the rich young man.

As I was seeking the Lord yesterday morning, the thought dawned upon me concerning the conversion of the disciples as compared to the rich young man. In Matthew 4:19, "Come follow me." Jesus said, " and I will make you fishers of men." 4:20, "at once they left their nets and followed him." Are you seeing the contrast that I saw? The emphasis is on verse 20 when the 2 brothers left all and followed Him. IMMEDAITELY, without hesitation, questioning, they GAVE UP everything. As compared to the ruch young man. After questioning Jesus about goodness and knowing that He is Lord and God, he refused to give up his great wealth to follow Him even after Jesus personally invited him.

The rich young man had failed to recognize that this Jesus is the one that have all. The One that can satisfy a person in every sense, providing in the physical, the comforting in the emotion, truth to guide one's life and most importantly the goodness that he had asked about. He is good. The disciples realizing this forsook all to gain ALL in Christ. Until we do that we can never truely become disciples of our Lord.

Surrendering, giving up, leaving behind to follow Him. Its not easy but I believe that He is calling us as He is calling out to the disciples and the rich young man. COME, FOLLOW ME! We have 2 choices and I've come to choose that which I've not chosen before not seeing the light. I pray that you will see the light and be encouraged to follow as the disciples did instead of the rich young man. HOWEVER bear in mind even if you are not prepared to forsake all, the Lord did say, With God all things are possible! He will not give up on those He have called. =)

He is no fool who give up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. Jim Elliot

Dedicated to my Dad

We've had a wonderful time spent together last week after we finish work on Tuesday and Wednesday and I thank God for the opportunity for us to bond as father and son, JUST the both of us.

Tuesday I had the opportunity to go to my Dad's camp and see what he did. I'm not impress and rather upset that at his age and seniority he still has to do so much when the officers are enjoying themselves. One of the reason I can't agree with the hierarchy system of the military, because people are not given the opportunity to be the best that they can be and they are being short changed. Well my dad is amongst many others. We went home after that to have dinner at home together. Of which I thought the ride back was rather important. Cause it forces us to converse, to share and to love, not that we need forcing. But its just that there was nothing else that could seriously preoccupy us and we might as well use the time wisely to improve the bond.

My dad have sacrificed a lot for us and through out our lives, he have made tremendous contributions to groom us to who we are today. When we were much younger, he was a disciplinarian, well what can you expect from a Sergeant Major right? He thought us all that there is, swimming, cycling, you name it he did it. He planned our time such that we learned things that were meant for the next year. He took great interest in our studies, volunteering at our school and actively participating in our education. I always remember my teacher saying to him, what did you do with your sons? and its makes him swell with pride. We are his greatest achievements after all.

He lost his parents when he was 15, all was left for him was an empty beer bottle and so he had to depend on his brothers who were much older. He didn't have much of an education, merely finish primary school and thats it. He was in commando's and was the pioneer to form Guards, thats why I am so proud of being a Guardsman. I want to carry on his legacy, to fulfill his dreams cause he has poured out all that there is into us.

He is currently in GuangZhou right now. The night before he left, as I was walking back home, the thought of what would happened if my dad was to pass away in an accident of a sudden? what change would it make to my life? I realize that I would start living more to his standards. He has very high standards of us well cause he was never privilege enough to have many things and he wanted us to be able to achieve his dreams. In some sense he is living his life through us and I would want to live my life out so that he will be proud. Proud enough to say, "This is my son whom I've raised!" Proud enough to say, " Well done my son" All children seek for their parents approval and I am not any different but I want it cause I want my dad to be happy, to feel fulfilled that he's efforts all the years have not gone to waste, that he has not lived his live in vain! =)

Thank you Hevenly Father for giving me such a wonderful dad. I can never ask for a better earthly father. Really! Lord I pray that he may come to know who you are. The Father that he never had, the Father that had prepared an inheritence for him, the Father that had watch over him all this year and the Father that had given him 2 sons! =) He may be 51 this year but in your eyes, is he not a child? It is as if you were still forming him. The plans that you have for him. I deeply believe that one of his purpose in his lives is to raise the both of us and I'm sure Lord, you will commend him, "Well done my son"! For he has done a great job, haven't he? Lord all Glory to you who sit on the highest!

Winning and Losing

What is competition all about? Is it as the world see it today, all about winning. There's no 2nd and 3rd, there's only the 1st and if you're not the 1st then forget about everything else. There's no place for 2nd place? Have you start to wonder why God allow competition?

I personally had some experience in this and would like to share my views on this. Recently I went for a drill competition. And well I'm very proud to say we got 3rd! 3rd out of 3 teams. Yes you heard me right. We were 3rd but last none the least. However I am not grieving over the lost but rejoicing cause we knew we gave our best and I think thats what competition is really all about: bringing the best out of very body! Winning is a bonus to encourage and losing should serve as a motivation to improve and try harder.

I read in "Tuesday with Morrie", there was a competition going on and a particular group were chanting something along the lines of "we are number 1" then Morrie in all his wisdom, stood up and shouted over:" whats wrong with being number 2?'. The crowd immediately went silent.

Thats right what's wrong with being number 2? God calls for us to excel, to have the spirit of excellence, not have the spirit of winning. I do know that in the word of God, Paul mentioned, who run the race to lose , but all run to win the crown. Thats not wrong cause the attitude/principle behind what Paul is trying to say is that we should focus on the crown, the prize and press on towards the prize. However in this case, everyone who completes the race gets a prize.

The first shall be last and the last shall be first. Ever wonder why Jesus said this to the disciples? The disciples were all arguing who should be 1st. Naturally who doesn't right? But the Lord wants us not to put so much emphasis on who is 1st and who is last. All should give their best and be the best that each one can be and fully utilized the gifts and talents that each is endowed with instead of struggling for positions. I may not have understood this passage fully yet. But at this current moment, thats what I gather. That the Lord does not want us contenting for positions and focus on winning and being 1st. He wants us focus on bringing our best out through healthy motivation in competition.

So I think its time we get our thinking sorted out and focus on what is important. Not so much of winning but bringing our best out. Thats what competition is really all about.

Lord I pray that you'll get our hearts in the right place and not content within ourselves or with one another for position, power of fame through winning. You allow for competition and comparisons not to bring anyone down but to encourage and to help everyone realize their true potential. Allow us to see that there is nothing wrong with being 2nd or even last as long as we've given our best. Thats whats most important, to use what you have given to us to the fullest potential. Thank you for sharing this with me and I pray that you might change the way I act according to this belief as well. In Jesus name's Amen

The 1st week of the new year

This whole one week have been filled with all sorts of excitement and freshness though of course I still get the fair share of frustration and emotions of ups and down like everyone else.

I was on a course that showed me how we can solve problems with a critical(in a positive light) and creative mind. Its a amazing how we can use our mind and by realizing somethings change our foundation of belief which in turn change our attitude and behaviour. 1 major bring away was on the memory. Will you believe me if I gave you a set of 30 random words and ask you to memorize them and be able to say it forward and backwards within 5mins or less? The truth is most of us can. Cool right? So now that we realize what God have given us, lets not waste it.

TO WHOM MUCH HAVE BEEN GIVEN, MUCH WILL BE EXPECTED FROM YOU

I got to explore my Dad's camp and allowed him to show me what he does. I'm really proud of my Dad and respect him for sacrificing so much for us. He was training under the Special Operations Force and went through the Ranger Course(TOUGHEST COURSE in SAF) until he gave it all up to set up a family. He stayed in the Force mainly to provide for the family and I'm grateful. When I was there, I felt immensely for him, in particular why his life was so hard. His parents passed away when he was 15 leaving him nothing but an empty beer bottle. He pretty much had to survive on his own without much education and now still has to work tirelessly everyday despite his seniority and age. I'm glad he has 2 great achievements, his 2 sons(=p) despite all this. I'm sure he is comforted. =) Thank God for my Dad for grooming 2 great sons. =)

Oh and on one of this night as I was on my way home, I met Mr Goh (the partially blind man that sells tissue paper at Yio Chu Kang MRT station since I was in College). We've become friends since I was in College and we do contact one another especially since he's a brother. =) As I was going to transfer to a bus, I passed by the spot, that usual spot that Mr Goh use to sit and sell tissue. And to my surprise, he was there after such a long time of not seeing him. I was tired and wanted to go home as soon as possible. Whats more we just chatted one the phone 1-2 weeks back. But somehow after I walked a distance away, the Lord brought me back right in front of him wanting me to encourage him. So I still in uniform squatted there and chatted with him. It was comforting knowing that the Lord still provides for him and allows him to worship on Sunday with a congregation at Presbyterian High School. And as we chat, I saw(cause he can't see so I can't say we saw) God's hands of providence through people. I was encouraged. Even as we chatted, he himself offer words of encouragement and help me see that our life is in His hands. I went back home that night feeling good that His love have manifested in that conversation. Hopefully time will permit me to bring him out again.

That pretty much summarized it all.

I pray that as I begin to align my life to You, You will guide me and show me the Destiny that You have planned for me. May your work be done for the harvest is full. Gather your sons and daughters, Heavenly Father and unite us as one to work on the harvest.