The Birthday celebration went well enough. I managed to do up the decorations with the help of my Bros and bro and get everything sorted out. Even when food ran out, the contingency worked out fine and it wasn't too big a hick up. The only regret was that it seem like I've neglected some people and have not been a good host. But ultimately I am not pleased nor happy. Well I did enjoy the company and simply presence of those that I love, my buddies in OCS, Matt and Jun Quan, Choir mates from Aureole, Min and my Bros. BUT I am unhappy cause no one except for a few cares. I feel alone and abandoned and unloved. VERY.
The reason why I even have a celebration is simply because my mum got pressurized to do it or it'll look bad on her. If not, it'll just be another year and I would have been happy to spend it like any other day because the only significance to me about a birthday is that its the start of one's life. Furthermore I see no significance in the age 21. Does the Bible say anything about young man and woman turning 21? NO! its a custom, tradition, a practice that people in this generation have that says you earn your right as an adult and the key to your life is presented to you(in a metaphorical sense). Guess what I've long earned that right though not all might agree and it is definitely NOT earn by the number of years you live. My father have long given me free reign. With guidance of course. So to me it means nothing to me that I'm turning 21 other then that fact that I'm older now.
I simply cannot understand why have a celebration if it was never intended to celebrate? Why say its for my birthday when the point is not about me(Not that I want it to be)? Why do you suggest it when you have absolutely no intentions of helping in any way? I had thought that the idea of a birthday celebration is to celebrate the life of a person, to make him/her happy. Apparently not in my case. I was not only unhappy but unloved, dejected and used. WHY DO I HAVE TO PLAN MY OWN BIRTHDAY, PAY FOR MY OWN BIRTHDAY AND DO EVERY OTHER THING MYSELF WHEN I DON'T WANT IT? WHY? Alright for God you say, for my parents, fine, I'll do it which I did. I did it to the best I can, washing the place, designing and decorating the place, design the cake, name it and I had a hand in it. WHY SUGGEST WHEN YOU HAVE NO INTENTIONS OF DOING ANYTHING FOR ME? Celebrate my Birthday? hahaha it's not in the least funny.
Wishing people happy birthday made me think about people wishing me happy birthday and me trying to force out a smile. What so happy about birthdays? Other people had their parents, friends to help them plan and organize to surprise them, to make them happy? what did I get? NOTHING
So whose going to share my burden? I helped carry others but who is going to help me? Who do I have left but the Lord? But it seems even He have chosen to leave me alone or maybe its a phase of growing up. I'll choose to believe its the later. That's why we call it faith? Choosing to believe.
Lord take my hurts and replace it with your joy. Men disappoint but You do not.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I came across your blog because I did a blog search on "meditations proverbs". I enjoyed your meditation on Proverbs 25:2 so I kept reading. I enjoy your heart felt expressions of praise for the Lord, your moments of discovery and your honesty. Please know that God used you to bless me today. I pray that this knowledge will encourage you to keep writing. May God bless you as you walk with Him all the days of your life.
You might also find it interesting that I probably would not have left a comment on your blog had I not read this post where you poured out your feelings after such a disappointing birthday celebration. It was your openness and honesty that moved me to write.
Post a Comment