On duty with Joshua again

I'm on duty today and guess what with Joshua again. =) sure reminds me of the time that we were doing duty together and the things we talked about. God's divine apoointment I must say.

Unlike the other time, today I was talking to someone else instead about the things of God. through SMS which ended up rather badly so we decided to talk when we meet to address the issue.

Did I hear you ask what the issue is about? Well it started like this:
Was 911 the judgement of God?
Did God allow the killings and the death of all that took place in the wars?
Well I think the question is one that asks aloud DID GOD ALLOW ALL THE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENED?

Can you take the truth? There's only 2 options to this questions and I will let you decide.
1) Yes He allowed it.
Or
2) Nope, He did not allow it and it still happened anyway.

Lets look at 1), So He allowed it? Sounds absurb that a Good God would allow murder, terrorism, war, rape, abuse, the list goes on even at this very minute as I type, to happen right? But what if I told you all this is due to Free Will? Freedom of choice? Man's doing. The simple truth. An excuse?

2) God should be all powerful, no? So if He did not allow it how did it happen? Powerless God still a God? Sovereign? definitely not then since He got no power as to what happen to us or in this world. So whose controlling all that and allowing them to happen? Shouldn't that (supposedly bad) someone be God instead?

You know we read about Job, a biblical character that was tested by God and Satan. God allowed it. if He chose all this things to happen, are you treating Him as God or are you just expecting yourself to be treated like a god?

Its late, I'll continue tml =)

A fruitful night

Yesterday night, I went to MDIS near Commonwealth to sign up for a Bio Medical degree programme offered by them. On my way there, I thought to myself why not get Ford out to have dinner together since he lives there and his studying Bio too. And so I did. He accepted readily and we went somewhere near his place to have dinner.

After the Seminar at MDIS, we decided to ask Kor Mark to come down and just chill and talk. Boy did we talk. The 3 of us together just talking and sharing. I thought it was a time well spent and really helped encouraged me to stay my course and press on in God. Its as my previous posts cries out, we may never understand why things happen the way it did. Our duty is to press on in Him and continue to seek Him. He is not just God of the good times but the bad times too and you know what it is in the bad times He will show Himself ever more strongly. Work your miracle Lord in the hearts of those that need it. Expansion from the inside out you say, Lord take our hearts!

We had such a good time, it was about 10 plus that we realized it late before we stopped. It so happened that yesterday was ladies night so I met Aunt Jenny and went back together. I think we both thank God for the company and encouragement. =) So yup a fruitful night!

Sick but Blessed!

I am down with a serious viral attack, an epidemic I believe started since January as reported in the Straits Times. Fortunate me, we don't have cadets and I am allowed to take MC and rest back home. So though I am sick I must say I am blessed to just laze around at home today doing what I like best: READ!

I just finished the 3rd book of the Trilogy, My Story consisting of A Child Called 'It', The Lost Boy and A Man Named Dave. It was truly inspiring and encouraging! A book that once I picked up, found hard to put down even for toilet breaks.

It continued with how Dave being an adult grow and mature to overcome all that was in the past and walk out of the struggles he faces day to day even as an adult with the past chewing at him. I was not physically abused like him as a kid but I believe its not hard to empathize with him as I have. The lessons he brought out in his books were simple ones like the one that I had emphasized upon in my previous post about choosing to let what happened to you bring you down or act as a stepping stone. Others include giving the best one can give no matter what he/she has cause God definitely planned it and let your past go. Forgive and forget may not be easy but they are gifts that we have received and should freely give too. Definitely lessons that I am to learn from.

Lord I thank you for showing me how fortunate I am and at the same time showing me a little about the kind of future that I want to live. I know the lessons you have in this books are one that you want me to work on so continue to guide me and speak to me about this things and teach me. I like Dave give Thanks to You for You hold our lives in Your Hands and You're Sovereign. We may not understand the things that happened and are happening but we need to learn to trust, to trust in Your Goodness and Your Plans. I have seen how it worked out for Dave so Lord, like doubting Thomas, I have seen, help me in my unbelief.

Dave Pelzer, Thank God for you =)

I have been reading his books since yesterday and am I in awe of what he walked out of and accomplished despite of his past. Indeed it is a great paradox for if he had not gone through it, he might not have become what he is today.

Child abuse is so common nowadays and just today, someone beat the crap out of a 2 year old girl and killed her. I believe this are all happening as I type. It is recorded that 1 in 5 Americans have been abused as a kid.

I look back and I think about my own childhood and my desires to have kids and all that I have aqcuainted myself with. I can in someways understand why this is still present in an educated globalised world today. It is with much regret that sometimes this parents/abusers are not even aware they are abusing someone. It brings to mind the phrase "No one does what he/she thinks is wrong" We can be wrong but we just don't see it and be honest with yourself, don't we all fall into that category? We say we're doing what we perceive as RIGHT but is it right after all? Who is to say what is right and what is wrong? The consequences that follows determines it? Apparently not since good things can arise out of the negative as in Dave's case. Is it really just a game of perception and societal norms?

So often parents are caught up with their own desires to have children or their own love they get married early and have children early without being fully prepared for parenthood. This can be very upsetting when childrens lives are ruined by bad parenting. Worse, traumatised. I have loved kids all my life, adoring their innocence and the carefree spirit that they carry that is so infectious. Now I look back and laugh at my childish remarks back then at 13/14 year old to my uncle about how I dont mind getting a girl pregnant to have kids like his. How selfish and immature of me. Am I ready to carry the joy and burdens of having a kid? Not then, not now.

I am still in a stage of growing and discovering myself. Of course it would not be fair to say that I must come to a stage of truly maturing and knowing who I am and what I want for my life, answering all Life's Big questions before settling down. But it would definitely be unfair if we didnt know a thing and got ourselves enrolled before substantially preparing ourselves.

I remember that this thought came to me when I was resentful towards my parents last year: I didnt have a choice about coming into this world and they were the one who have decided to give me life so they are OBLIGATED to take care of me and make my life as pleasant as possible. A very self centred thought no doubt from the point of a child(that is still what I am) but at the same time you cannot deny the truth of it. I must admit that I am grateful I am brought into this world though. I am grateful to God who had formed me. If I were to pursue the matter, actually aren't I pinning what I said on God instead? Since God formed me and gave me life so He should be responsible for giving me a decent life? Unfortunately as we all know it, life can be a real pain sometimes.

In conclusion, like Dave, fight back your pains, your past and move on with it. Use it instead of letting it crush you down, why don't you step on it and use it as a stepping stone? You can choose to put it above you or beneath you. It boils down to a matter of choice. I think I know how I'll choose, how about you?

Thank you Lord for showing me all this and revealing yourself in this midst of chaotic thoughts. We may not understand why some things happen the way they do ever. We have only 2 choices, be it we understand or not though of course understanding could motivate us in the right directions more then lkely, and they are:
1) Choose to see it as you're just unfortunate and that you probably will be all your life so just heck it and continue to live with the negativity and respond negatively. Or
2) Choose to see it as something you have no control over, it was unfortunate no doubt but you will make the best of the situation you're caught in and learn from it. Respond with faith believing that it is with a purpose that it has happened the way it did.

Choices Choices Choices, I guess thats what You meant when You gave human kind free will, Lord. =)

My Mum and I

The last few days of last week was filled with my Mum and I spending some time together and I feel accomplished, not having spent much time with her for a long long time.

I don't exactly have a very close relationship with my Mum as compared to my younger bro. I am closer to my Dad. There are still some grievances and resentments deep underneath and despite how I try, there's still some distance between us. But I am trying. =)

It started with Friday evening, dinner together at home before going to the Airport to send Cheryl off. After which we went to Mannalife together. =) We didn't talk much like how I would with my Dad but still we caught up with one another's life and just accompany one another.

Then on Saturday, My Mum took me out to watch 'Homecoming' at Dhoby Ghaut. Wait I think I took her out =p Just my Mum and I. It have been very long since we went out like that. In fact our family never do. We're practical people especially with my Dad and so trips out has a mission to them. Building relationships never really was on their agenda perhaps until recently. It was a great movie emphasizing on family relations and special occasions when the family gets together. Contrary to what Jack Neo was associated with recently in the medias, it was a good family orientated movie and I liked it. It felt rather wierd and awkward though sometimes feeling like others view us as having a 'cougar' relationship rather then a mother son one. Think I'm overly conscious.

Sunday was spent with Mum following us to Church supposedly for the last time since she found work and will be working on Weekend mornings. It was also kind of wierd and awkward for me but I was glad she came. I hope she understood some of the things Pastor Steven Das said and that God will help her with her life.

Lord I commit my Mum into your hands. Lord I ask for your love to envelop her and remind her at all times that you're with her even though her husband and sons are not. You're her provider and she has nothing to worry about. There is no need for fear that she will not be taken care of or that she has insufficient money. Let her hope not be cast on money or anyone but YOU! Only You will be able to filled the void inside of her. Help her see what she needs to do to make her life fruitful and meaningful. She still have a good 30 years to live and she can accomplish yet alot more if she so chooses so Lord open her eyes to this fact and bless her. Make her prosperous in her heart and mind. Lord restore her health by helping her watch her diet and her activities. Encourage her to exercise and be fruitful. Lord use me as a mouth piece as you see fit. Help me to speak with respect and yet in a manner honouring her as my Mother even as I grapple with past issues. Lord you're the one who have given both of us one another so show us what you would have us do with one another. In Jesus' name, Amen!

What Pst told me since last Sep

Hi Christopher,

Your pluses are great, example: Reliable, practical, integrity,helpfulness....................... but your minuses are terrible,e.g. stubbornness, close mindset, obsinate, short burst of temper,narrowmindedness......................!

It is very obvious you were hurt, disappointed and taken advantageof in the times of growing up and so you have shades which ou tendto put up to protect yourself from being vulnerable.

You have closed gates like Jerichos in your heart which causes yourdevelopment of worship and revelations to be slowed down, just likea many layer cake, worship and revelations has many layers, thinkwith your heart not always your brain, there are things which mustfirst be received in the heart than it can be embraced by the mind,as for the world it is the other way around.

Take a 300 days morning fast on soya or a glass of milk, focus onone passage of scripture of either of the four gospels and note downwhat you have discover through the revealing Rhema of the HolySpirit, if you can do that for 300 days, transformation will comeupon your personality and thought pattern, i wished i had you when iam much younger, if you don't overcome your perimeters of limitationyou will have trmendous struggles in your spiritual walk, mariage,finance and etc in the future.

Ps

I fasted then or perhaps I should say I went on a diet. I didn't eat every morning and stuck strictly to just milk but I didn't read much of the word or focused on it. I was just to preoccupied and lazy and I guess apathy has taken over me. I've become very passive in my walk with God and I've done nothing much to grow it. I lack motivation... I guess this is where grace comes in then.

My prayer is really for the apathy to be overwhelmed by Your Love and that I may be consumed by the fire that once burned so strongly in my heart. In Jesus' Name Amen!

BREAKTHROUGH!

Finally! A breakthrough in the Spirit!

Initially as I worship, play and sing to 'Beautiful Saviour', it feels so routine and dry but I told myself to press on and for the longest time that I've not been touched or teared for so long, I FINALLY DID!

It just feels so good to let it out. It may not have been alot nor for very long but its a start.

For some background information, its very rare that you would see me cry. Some male ego issue I guess thats subconscious. But it becomes very natural for me to do so in front of the Lord even during service when there's lots of people. I just feel free with the Lord, He knows me and whats bothering me after all.

Its been a while too since I wanted to let out whats been surpressed inside of me, the pain and hurts that I do not talk about. Its just great to be able to let it out infront of God.

Thanks Lord, its encouraging to note that You're here with me and even as I am down trodden, You'll lift me up! Its what I need to grow myself and to be motivated to have that continuous conversation with you. =) Praise You!

Grace of God

This post is dedicated to thanking God for showing us His presence and grace.

Yesterday night we went out for a sent off dinner for Cheryl. We were walking outside Amoy food centre towards Tanjong Pagar MRT station when one of us kicked something. I picked it up and realize it’s a key, a car key. We were wondering who had so unfortunately dropped his/her key there. I examined the key and noticed that it’s a Hyundai car key. And it so happen that a Hyundai cab was right beside us. I decided to try and see if it belonged to that vehicle. True enough the key turned when I slotted it in.

Upon knowing that that is the key to that vehicle, we started to think about how we can return it to its rightful owner. Just as Silas was still waiting for the operator of the cab service to pick up, we saw a man walking over focused on the ground. We walked up to him and asked him if it was his keys lifting it up to him and to his surprise, it was. We can so see the change in his expression as he received his key from us; the key to his livelihood and income. Or so we thought.

The next thing we know, he started to praise God and immediately all of us saw how we were being used by God to be His vessel of grace. So as he praised God, we did too and we thanked God! Only then did I realize I am wrong, his livelihood and income is from the Lord, the Lord of provision Jehovah Jireh! To think we just celebrated Jireh’s Birthday too =)

In the making

As you would realize, I am someone that is highly inconsistent with my blog. And somehow it reflects how I am spiritually and also my life as a general whole. I thought I should make some sort of commitment and start life all over again. To start and continue to work on my misgivings and really to pursue after God and His will for my life.

I am actually at a crossroad of life wondering where my future lies for me now. I am very uncertain and fearful of making the wrong choices and ruining what God has in store for my life. Lord guide me and show me as you have with my decisions to stay in Singapore instead of going overseas to pursue my education.

There are a lot within myself that I am looking for an answer or understanding about too. I am currently trying to really work on my pride. One of the biggest issues that I think have affected my life in more ways than I thought it could. Pastor prayed and prophesied over me last week on the 6th Feb about a new phase of life, about how this chapter of my life will be one that God will teach me humility and that His great Love will be the agent of change. I think as the prophetic words say, I think I will be grateful to God for whatever way He intends to teach me humility. After all what can I bargain for if what He has in store for me is for my best and that He is sovereign right?

Lord I just pray that you will be with me throughout all this time. Pardon me for the times I have been unfaithful and I struggle against you to think that I know better. For the things I’ve done my way, the choices I make and the beliefs I choose to adopt which differ from yours, I am sorry. Your word says that even as we confess, you’re faithful to forgive so I shall hold on to your word and trust in your faithfulness despite my unfaithfulness. For you cannot deny yourself, the faithful one! Praise You!

Jesus I want to give you all the honour and glory for all that you can allow me to accomplish. You are the one giving me the opportunity, the one guiding me and the one that have arranged all things to allow me to have what I have. Lord to you I lift up myself! Let the struggles in my heart die in your presence. Teach me to be still and know you are good. Help me to appreciate that your Love is sovereign and that you have your plans. Resolve the bitterness in my heart and whatever that I am struggling with to believe that you are God and King! You know better, and you hold our lives in your hands. Who am I to question what is best. You have allowed some things to happen and I believe you will reveal your glory through all that has happened! I will learn to trust, have faith and hope in YOUR MIGHTY LOVE!!!