Dave Pelzer, Thank God for you =)

I have been reading his books since yesterday and am I in awe of what he walked out of and accomplished despite of his past. Indeed it is a great paradox for if he had not gone through it, he might not have become what he is today.

Child abuse is so common nowadays and just today, someone beat the crap out of a 2 year old girl and killed her. I believe this are all happening as I type. It is recorded that 1 in 5 Americans have been abused as a kid.

I look back and I think about my own childhood and my desires to have kids and all that I have aqcuainted myself with. I can in someways understand why this is still present in an educated globalised world today. It is with much regret that sometimes this parents/abusers are not even aware they are abusing someone. It brings to mind the phrase "No one does what he/she thinks is wrong" We can be wrong but we just don't see it and be honest with yourself, don't we all fall into that category? We say we're doing what we perceive as RIGHT but is it right after all? Who is to say what is right and what is wrong? The consequences that follows determines it? Apparently not since good things can arise out of the negative as in Dave's case. Is it really just a game of perception and societal norms?

So often parents are caught up with their own desires to have children or their own love they get married early and have children early without being fully prepared for parenthood. This can be very upsetting when childrens lives are ruined by bad parenting. Worse, traumatised. I have loved kids all my life, adoring their innocence and the carefree spirit that they carry that is so infectious. Now I look back and laugh at my childish remarks back then at 13/14 year old to my uncle about how I dont mind getting a girl pregnant to have kids like his. How selfish and immature of me. Am I ready to carry the joy and burdens of having a kid? Not then, not now.

I am still in a stage of growing and discovering myself. Of course it would not be fair to say that I must come to a stage of truly maturing and knowing who I am and what I want for my life, answering all Life's Big questions before settling down. But it would definitely be unfair if we didnt know a thing and got ourselves enrolled before substantially preparing ourselves.

I remember that this thought came to me when I was resentful towards my parents last year: I didnt have a choice about coming into this world and they were the one who have decided to give me life so they are OBLIGATED to take care of me and make my life as pleasant as possible. A very self centred thought no doubt from the point of a child(that is still what I am) but at the same time you cannot deny the truth of it. I must admit that I am grateful I am brought into this world though. I am grateful to God who had formed me. If I were to pursue the matter, actually aren't I pinning what I said on God instead? Since God formed me and gave me life so He should be responsible for giving me a decent life? Unfortunately as we all know it, life can be a real pain sometimes.

In conclusion, like Dave, fight back your pains, your past and move on with it. Use it instead of letting it crush you down, why don't you step on it and use it as a stepping stone? You can choose to put it above you or beneath you. It boils down to a matter of choice. I think I know how I'll choose, how about you?

Thank you Lord for showing me all this and revealing yourself in this midst of chaotic thoughts. We may not understand why some things happen the way they do ever. We have only 2 choices, be it we understand or not though of course understanding could motivate us in the right directions more then lkely, and they are:
1) Choose to see it as you're just unfortunate and that you probably will be all your life so just heck it and continue to live with the negativity and respond negatively. Or
2) Choose to see it as something you have no control over, it was unfortunate no doubt but you will make the best of the situation you're caught in and learn from it. Respond with faith believing that it is with a purpose that it has happened the way it did.

Choices Choices Choices, I guess thats what You meant when You gave human kind free will, Lord. =)