What I thought was a good speech

DON'T WORK. BE HATED. LOVE SOMEONE.
----- Written by Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1988), was the guest-of-honour at a recent NTU convocation ceremony. This was his speech to the graduating class of 2008. -----

I must say thank you to... the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband. My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me. On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable. Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife. And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument. Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you. The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning. You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers. The good news is that they’re wrong. The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy. I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life. You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap. Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom. So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper. Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy. I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy. After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average. Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much. That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste. If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average. LIFE'S A MESS What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate. Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows. What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over. Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free. RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO GET A JOB. INSTEAD, PLAY. The most important is this: do not work. Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable. Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust. There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful. People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense. Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway. Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself. I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist. So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher. Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working. Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence. In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror. BE HATED. I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated. It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross. One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong. LOVE ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. The other side of the coin is this: fall in love. I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone. Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable. Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul. Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm. You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart. You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you. Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it. Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

The Lord Spoke!

I was just wondering and in fact was about to rebut/defend myself when I read this:

Stepping Back
It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling. —Proverbs 20:3

The Proverbs in Scripture are like excellent spiritual beef jerky. You take small bites and you chew on them for a long time. Meditating on Proverbs is life-training in the most practical ways. For example: Proverbs 20:3 says “It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling.” Honor here is that which is weighty or substantive: integrity; character; worthy of respect.

Do you want respect? Good. It is an honor, or it is worthy of respect, for a man to keep aloof. The word aloof here is the Hebrew word Shabbat. It’s actually the root word from which we get our word Sabbath. Sabbath means to cease, to desist, to rest. “It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife . . . ” This means he will not join the fray; not when attacked, not even to defend himself. He will keep himself aloof.

This does not mean aloof emotionally, but aloof from . . . Do you know what? “I’m not going to get into that. I’m going to step away from this argument.” You are doing your family a favor when you maintain a sense of perspective.
I taught this verse a few years ago at church. A week or two after the sermon, one couple came up to me all smiling and happy-faced. They told me they had really taken this to heart. Like a lot of couples, they admitted to certain habitual conflicts. And they laughingly said, “We had a fight this week!” The husband continued, “Yeah. We were arguing and I was trying too hard to make my point.” She added, “He was trying to goad me into the fight, but I remembered that verse you taught us in Proverbs. So I said to him, ‘I aloof you!’ It took a moment, but we both started laughing!” Talk about detouring an argument! Isn’t that great? “I aloof you!” It worked; they seemed so happy.

There’s honor in standing aloof from meaningless strife. “We’re better than this. We have way bigger dreams than this. Let’s figure this out rather than fighting it out.” “It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling.”

Journal

What difference would this Proverb make in the way I currently handle conflict in my family?
How would I describe the signs of healthy versus unhealthy “aloofness”?
Prayer

Thank You, Father, for the pithy wisdom of Proverbs. You’ve graciously given us so much to chew on! Help me to move beyond thinking about these matters to the point of faithfully applying them in my relationships. And give me wisdom in those moments when I usually step into a fight to make the decision to step back, out of honor for Your Word as well as putting honor into practice. In Jesus’ name, Amen.


This is the wisdom I've been praying for so I guess I should consciously practice it. I can do it =)

YOUTH MINISTRY - ABLAZE! Ephesians 2:10

I am so glad that I went for youth today and got touched by the love of God. I just want to share and to encourage all that is out there that God does love you unconditionally and there is nothing that can seperate you from His love.

There's this video we watch and here's the link
http://www.skitguys.com/videos/item/gods-chisel/?/store/detail/188/

I was halfway into the video and tears started to well up. Its as if God was speaking specifically to me. oh wait, not as if. He was and still is speaking to me about it. I am touched by His unfailling love. I am moved by His unfailling love. So much so after watching another testimony video, what God spoke to me struck so hard that when I prayed, I cried. I cried in front of everyone that was there. It was not that I'm comfortable with them but I am comfortable with God. I know that He has been there with me through all my tough times and there is not an exception. He will always be and no matter how much I disappoint Him, He will always love me and continue to chisel at me.

So to you that's reading He will continually work on you, His workmanship and masterpiece. He will continue to chisel away and its going to hurt but He knows best so TRUST Him. Always remember that He does it cause He loves you.

Evaluation of my life

Recently, things haven't gone well for me. Relationship issues, Work, practically everything is running out of my control and I seem to be in a mess. It seems like I'm going in a cycle of hurt and disappointment in myself and its ever so vicious.

I just really want to make a commitment to really focus and get my life in order again. My mind is so filled with thoughts and so cluttered my words aren't even coherent...

I just really need to throw up all that is within. To put everything on paper and then from there sort them out.

I just hope I can really put things into order before I embark on my university studies in UniSIM. It's my chance of redeeming myself for not doing well for my A's. I really want to prove and make my Dad proud. I have been such a disappointment to have allowed myself to be overly arrogant and prideful. I was distracted and focused on other things but it was the arrogance and pride that I had within myself that told myself I'll be able to catch up that got me in that mess so LEARN from it.

I find myself ever so selfish, defensive and deceitful sometimes. I am not perfect and I know it. There's so much of me that needs to change.

Change is hard inside of me!

I just hope and pray that the Lord will never give up on me and to continue to do His work inside of me. To mould me and to make me into His likeness.

Dear Heavenly Father, I wonder what would you have me do with my life. What would you want me to deal with and how do you want me to deal with it? I do seek to please you but how do I go about doing so? Lord guide me and show me. I am confused. I am lost. I just hope you'll open up my eyes to see what You have in store for me.

Father's Heart

I woke up to this song playing and I am encouraged.

I have been avoiding and shunning God for the past week feeling that I have once again disappointed Him.

I just thought that I don't think I deserve anymore of His Grace, His love and Him... I just don't understand how I can continually fail and yet He still loves me. Perhaps thats why we can never fathom the depth of His love for us. So deep He sent His only begotten son on the cross for us.

I want to turn over a new leaf and start all over again but how many times must I start all over? I don't want to go in this relentless cycle and be discouraged.

Paul advised that if we want different results, then we will have to change the process. If we keep doing the same thing, we'll just end up having the same results. Simple logic but yet how many of us are trapped in our own vicious cycle of comfort, comfort of miseries.

Do something different. Lord Help Me!

Worship!

Worship is an intimate moment of awe, adoration n deepest admiration 4 God who loves us so unconditionally.
It is not to be adulterated;
it's a public display of affection to God which will cost us ridicule fr people of the flesh;
however,David, a man after God's heart, claimed tt he wouldn't give unto God what didn't cost him.
As a disciple, we must b willing 2 lay d cost of self-denial n denial fr d world to seek God who is seeking 4 'true worsippers who worship Him in spirit n truth' like d woman who sacrificially anointed Jesus' dusty feet w d perfume oil( to be reserved 4 her wedding; her all n best) w her hair, d most glorious part of woman(1Cor12:15). Our Lord promised tt her act of worship will b a memorial thru out the world(Matt26:13). - Aunt Sarah

Worship is an art and until we learn how to dwell in His presence and focus on Him, our hearts and mind will drift evening when we're singing songs of praise to Him.

It's more then an act of singing song, but every moment can be an act of worship. How we choose to live our life can be a form of worship unto Him. He deserves it. Are we willing to give our best to Him?

Taking God for Granted

I have always thought humans are cheap cause we take things for granted ever so easily. What we have in abundant we take for granted. What we have all the time we take for granted is going to stay. We take everything for granted but I have come to a realization that there is someone that everyone takes for granted and yet He still loves us all the same. Ironically thats the reason why we take Him for granted.

I have felt like I was taken for granted at times. Having to serve when called upon or to even sacrifice as and when called upon. I was looking to the Lord for comfort while traveling on the bus when the Lord impressed upon me that isn't that how we've been treating Him. Alright alright, its how I have been treating Him. When I have the company of people or loved ones, He takes 2nd place. I don't regularly seek Him especially not when I'm having fun or when I'm taking pleasure in satisfying my flesh.

I was upset over how I was only called upon when there's trouble or problems and I was reminded that haven't I treated Him that way. Why do we take His grace for granted? Why do we take what He have done on the cross for us for granted? Of all things how could we? Yet do not all man kind do? And I can almost guarantee I will continue to do so though less deliberately.

Doubts fill us and the flesh is weak. Sometimes our faith is just not strong enough and we fail. But then can we in all this failure learn to seek Him and make a more conscientious effort to have a continual conversation and to build on our relationship with Him? I guess ultimately He knows we will always fail but it is our hearts He is searching after and when one man turns back and praise God, did not the word of God says the Heaven rejoices? Rejoice then for I am turning back to Praise God in my circumstances. =)

Dear Father Lord, even as I reflect about my suffering or the suffering of loved ones, let me turn to you and remember that You watched your Son suffer. What can be compared to what He suffered? We may never stop asking where were You when bad things happen but ultimately we trust you have a reason. We trust you have a plan. We trust that you are sovereign. We try to trust. Lord help us in our unbelief and help us in our weakness. I pray that you will impress upon my heart the importance of securing my life in you that I might come to understand better. Let me trust in your character! HELP ME LORD!!!