I just finished watching "facing the Giants" and God just overwhelmed me! I cant help tearing hearing it being repeated again and again that with God all things are possible!
I've been self seeking, a lover of self in certain ways and have questioned my faith whether it has just been an illusion but NO, the Lord is not done with me and He wont let me go! He just won't, and kept speaking to me through the show that He will not give up on me no matter what. I truly just stand in awe and amazement at what the Lord can do through man and how much His love extends. Can I be a little greedy and ask for more? Lord will you give me more? Will you not stop touching and convicting me and moving me to make decisions for and with you?
Give me the wisdom to know what is pleasing in your sight then give me the strength and courage to do it! Speak to me concerning what I must do! Will you liberate all fears and disappointments and set us free! let the truth burn in our hearts! Fan it into flame Lord and give me back the spirit of POWER, LOVE AND SOUND MIND! Let me come back into your presence and allow the Holy Spirit to take over! teach me and guide me to slowly but inevitably surrender all to you! and put a heart in me that desires no more then to please you!
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
Friday, 19 December 2008
Matthew 19:16-26, Mark 10:17-30,Luke 18:18-30 (The Rich Young Man)
I'm the rich young man/ruler! I've many riches in this world but are unwilling to part with them for Christ sake. I see that i have no lack in any area of my life! Yes such arrogance but am i not right? what more do i need? Perhaps more knowledge and wisdom but these i will never stop seeking. what then?
I've kept the commandments like the young man, and is now seeking the way to eternal life BUT no I'm not ready to put down all my riches and simply follow! My identity have been partly build upon all these riches, and they have given me the confidence that i have. Do not be mistaken, i'm not talking about monetary riches but riches in every single area of life. who can say that i lack? Passion for the sick and those in need still burns in my heart and i've a great desire for them. Talents and attitude for success is within me, no doubt arrogant and complacent too, but with care, meticulous planning and right approach what can stop me from achieving what i want? Love is definitely something that I dont lack, there are many who regards highly of me and love me for who i am. Be it Teachers, Peers, Family, Church, Brothers and Sisters. They have so much faith in me, believing I'll do something great. I've also gain the trust of many people. Many trust, believe and have faith in me! What then do i lack? TELL ME!!!
I'm not willing to just let everything go, sacrifice everything and follow You! Cant i carry them with me while following You? I recognize you are the way but must i give it up? Must i give it all up? Why? Why give it to me in the 1st place when you want me to let go? Its so difficult! I read through my journal of my mission trip and my past posts and i wonder where have the passion that i used to have gone! The desire so deep that I was willing to give up anything to follow after you. Have I been so taken in by the world that I've conformed to the world?
Lord would you stand by and do nothing? would you not continue your work in me and let your promise come to past in my life? Lord I ask, according to your word, that you come and create in me a new heart again, one that is humble enough to submit and surrender for it is so difficult to do so. let me stop going in this cycle of believing I'm self sufficient and the arrogance that irks even myself! I'm sure you find it distasteful too so Lord, answer me and come and do something within me. From the inside out! PLEASE!
I've kept the commandments like the young man, and is now seeking the way to eternal life BUT no I'm not ready to put down all my riches and simply follow! My identity have been partly build upon all these riches, and they have given me the confidence that i have. Do not be mistaken, i'm not talking about monetary riches but riches in every single area of life. who can say that i lack? Passion for the sick and those in need still burns in my heart and i've a great desire for them. Talents and attitude for success is within me, no doubt arrogant and complacent too, but with care, meticulous planning and right approach what can stop me from achieving what i want? Love is definitely something that I dont lack, there are many who regards highly of me and love me for who i am. Be it Teachers, Peers, Family, Church, Brothers and Sisters. They have so much faith in me, believing I'll do something great. I've also gain the trust of many people. Many trust, believe and have faith in me! What then do i lack? TELL ME!!!
I'm not willing to just let everything go, sacrifice everything and follow You! Cant i carry them with me while following You? I recognize you are the way but must i give it up? Must i give it all up? Why? Why give it to me in the 1st place when you want me to let go? Its so difficult! I read through my journal of my mission trip and my past posts and i wonder where have the passion that i used to have gone! The desire so deep that I was willing to give up anything to follow after you. Have I been so taken in by the world that I've conformed to the world?
Lord would you stand by and do nothing? would you not continue your work in me and let your promise come to past in my life? Lord I ask, according to your word, that you come and create in me a new heart again, one that is humble enough to submit and surrender for it is so difficult to do so. let me stop going in this cycle of believing I'm self sufficient and the arrogance that irks even myself! I'm sure you find it distasteful too so Lord, answer me and come and do something within me. From the inside out! PLEASE!
Sunday, 2 November 2008
Thank God
Much has happened recently and I'm still ever Thankful to God for being graceful assurring me that His grace is enough. i shall not say more for time is of the essence but just Praise God for His promises, His word and His providence
Sunday, 3 August 2008
I'm so AMAZED by YOU!
It’s been such a long time since a last posted anything here! Time is extremely precious now, especially so when I want to spend them with the ones I love. In fact haven’t been touching the computer for quite a while. Some of you must be wondering what I’m doing posting a blog on Monday, shouldn’t I be in camp? Well I’m having an off in lieu.
The reason why time is so limited now is because I’m no longer in BMT but OCS. You can bet it took me sometime to adapt to all the new changes. The 3 weeks confinement was extremely excruciating, not being able to see loved ones. But life has still been good and amazing with the Lord. His grace and favour have been tremendously visible in my life. Can’t thank the Lord enough.
The Lord has been arranging my time for me with regards to my training schedule. Take last week for instance, my 2nd time I book out on a Sunday morning. Was expecting to book in at night itself but the good Lord extended it till Monday morning which gave me the opportunity to spend the time with my family at the Chinese Singpetra concert and get the opportunity to see my father getting saved. Praise God! I was supposed to start field camp supposedly today in Tekong and miss National Day celebration with my loved ones. Again He did a miracle for me even without me praying, Aunt Sarah did though which I believe was what caused the miracle. Field camp got postponed and I get to spend time with them! Delight in the Lord and He will grant your heart desires. I believe this is a great example. Somehow I feel that I’ve grown a little less self-centered, putting my focus on my loved ones and neglecting what I have to go through in there. And so even without me knowing the desire of my heart He knows and He arranged it such that it was as I would have desired. I’m so amazed.
Oh and I’ve been blessed by the group of Christians in my platoon as well. I joined them for the 1st time on Saturday morning at 5 to worship and can you imagine, the few of us ushering in the presence of God? It felt so good and refreshing. It totally made my day. Now that I recall and remember the words of aunt Sarah, there was a surrounding presence all over me when I fall in which made me exceedingly joyful for which ever reason I did not recall but I know for sure that’s the JOY OF THE LORD! He has taken delight in our worship!
Pray that the coming days ahead will be ever more accompanied by His presence and being His witness to the people around me! Especially my parents and platoon mates. Hope to be able to use my life to preach His Gospel. More determined then ever to commit my life to Him and serving Him!
I thank you Lord for Your presence in my life. You’ve given me strength and joy in my heart to sustain me, grace and favour with the people to allow me to see how abundantly life is with You! Show me Your plans concerning Your Kingdom and open my eyes, ears and heart to see hear and feel Your heart cry for the Nations as I seek to please You and love You! Lead me in my days ahead and truly let me known as Your Son, a disciple and not just a Christian. Lord I commit my days ahead and life to You and ask that You use me mightily as I live for Your GLORY! In the name of my Lord Jesus I pray! Amen!
Wednesday, 18 June 2008
Lost Again
After some time I’ve come to realise that I’m again on that same journey towards nowhere, lost again in the midst of everything. All alone choosing to walk without God. Sometimes don’t you just feel that you’re capable of living this life without God? You’re smart enough to deal with the situations that come, courage to face the fears… the line goes on but yet why do I feel this emptiness in my heart? Despite God’s faithfulness, I seem to have concluded that even without God I would have been great. Look at how arrogant I can get! Disgusting but yet this is who I am. I need to learn humility like never before! Will I never learn from my mistakes?
That’s the price to pay I guess for forsaking God but thank God His people never cease to pray and encourages me in the faith! HAIZ! So much head knowledge but not in my heart! Zhen Ming warned me bout this! Need to pray more to understand better His will for me, church and His people! Sometimes I don’t even know why I do the things I do, trying to be righteous, upright. No wonder pastor says we’ll never make it by our own effort.
Sorry Lord for forsaking you and believing I’m capable enough to live this life of mine without your grace so freely given! Open up my eyes to see that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom! And truly I will be able to live my life wisely! Teach me humility for pride will be my downfall. You’ve been ever so faithful never choosing to forsake me sending all the encouragements around me and constantly reminding me that you’re near! Thank you Lord!
That’s the price to pay I guess for forsaking God but thank God His people never cease to pray and encourages me in the faith! HAIZ! So much head knowledge but not in my heart! Zhen Ming warned me bout this! Need to pray more to understand better His will for me, church and His people! Sometimes I don’t even know why I do the things I do, trying to be righteous, upright. No wonder pastor says we’ll never make it by our own effort.
Sorry Lord for forsaking you and believing I’m capable enough to live this life of mine without your grace so freely given! Open up my eyes to see that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom! And truly I will be able to live my life wisely! Teach me humility for pride will be my downfall. You’ve been ever so faithful never choosing to forsake me sending all the encouragements around me and constantly reminding me that you’re near! Thank you Lord!
Thursday, 12 June 2008
afterthoughts of POP
Life in BMT sure looks likes a breeze after how it has passed me by these 9 weeks. I really can’t bear to leave all those great friends that I have gotten so close to over the 9 weeks. As the Chinese saying goes, there’s never a party that will never end. But the wonderful memories will serve me well in the days ahead!
I’ve been very loved by a lot of people, especially by Aunt Sarah, my other mum! She’s just like a Mother to me and she treats me like a son! Every week without fail, I’ll get some ginseng soup of some kind. My 1st 2 book out I got ginseng soup but as I found it too bitter (not told to her but she observed that I drank so slowly and made the conclusion) that she changed it to ginseng chicken soup! IT WAS DELICIOUS! Even when she was going to Hong Kong, She slept at 2 and woke up at 5 to cook and bring it to church and left after praise and worship! If that’s not love, I don’t know what is! Love you Aunt Sarah! I’ve just been extremely blessed and loved! I can never stop praising God for how he has drawn me into this wonderful family! And its not just Aunt Sarah lets not forget my little children. Their hugs and kisses every time I went to church revitalize me and made me feel so much loved. Aunt Esther even told me that every Sunday before their family left the house Marilyn would ask Aunt Esther if Kor Kor Cheng En would be going! Isn’t that sweet? Last but not least would be my 2 mei meis who would text or call to encourage, especially Min Min Mei Mei. It’s just … AWESOME to know that people care, love and remember you!
I was very glad that on my POP day, my whole family including Aunt Sarah’s family could make it! I really enjoyed myself that day as we took pictures, shared and have dinner together. Guess what Aunt Sarah brought me Bird Nest! Told you I’m blessed! =D oh and it was such a coincidence that my platoon commander is actually one of my father’s trainee! Talk about a coincidence eh!
The Lord has indeed been faithful, VERY faithful!
I’ve been very loved by a lot of people, especially by Aunt Sarah, my other mum! She’s just like a Mother to me and she treats me like a son! Every week without fail, I’ll get some ginseng soup of some kind. My 1st 2 book out I got ginseng soup but as I found it too bitter (not told to her but she observed that I drank so slowly and made the conclusion) that she changed it to ginseng chicken soup! IT WAS DELICIOUS! Even when she was going to Hong Kong, She slept at 2 and woke up at 5 to cook and bring it to church and left after praise and worship! If that’s not love, I don’t know what is! Love you Aunt Sarah! I’ve just been extremely blessed and loved! I can never stop praising God for how he has drawn me into this wonderful family! And its not just Aunt Sarah lets not forget my little children. Their hugs and kisses every time I went to church revitalize me and made me feel so much loved. Aunt Esther even told me that every Sunday before their family left the house Marilyn would ask Aunt Esther if Kor Kor Cheng En would be going! Isn’t that sweet? Last but not least would be my 2 mei meis who would text or call to encourage, especially Min Min Mei Mei. It’s just … AWESOME to know that people care, love and remember you!
I was very glad that on my POP day, my whole family including Aunt Sarah’s family could make it! I really enjoyed myself that day as we took pictures, shared and have dinner together. Guess what Aunt Sarah brought me Bird Nest! Told you I’m blessed! =D oh and it was such a coincidence that my platoon commander is actually one of my father’s trainee! Talk about a coincidence eh!
The Lord has indeed been faithful, VERY faithful!
Saturday, 17 May 2008
Fieldcamp
I just spend another 2 weeks away from loved ones in Tekong. Seriously I would not have mind living the way we do in there if all my loved ones are there by my side physically. The feeling of being detach is ever so strong and you just feel like all the time you've spent in building up relationships may just go to waste. But well I believe God will preserve it! Must push on!
Though many loved one was not with me, one always stuck by me! My beloved brother, friend and Lord! His grace was present as we went through field camp and it still is! He covered us with rain and so much favour.
Just yesterday night I manage to gather a few to pray. Ok it was just me and Zhi Bin with Ashley joining as we were ending. Well I asked around but many weren’t interested and some felt uncomfortable but trust me, it was encouraging and comforting praying with Zhi Bin! I'm going to start calling him prayer buddy! Unfortunately he got confined because he lost his magazine (the one that carries rounds/bullets) during field camp. Hope his confinement's not too tough! Well the Lord will look over him, that’s for sure!
I feel very encouraged by the influence that I'm bringing into NS. Gerald and I often talk and of course God was part of our conversation. Then there was this once when we were cleaning the toilet that he started the topic and we started discussing. I knew in my heart I’m sowing seeds that will one day be reaped for I know the Lord has great plans for this young man. He is one of the best leaders I’ve encountered. John also expressed his interest to come to church. Well I believe the day of salvation is not far from them. Pray that the Holy Spirit will continue to show Himself to be real to them!
Though many loved one was not with me, one always stuck by me! My beloved brother, friend and Lord! His grace was present as we went through field camp and it still is! He covered us with rain and so much favour.
Just yesterday night I manage to gather a few to pray. Ok it was just me and Zhi Bin with Ashley joining as we were ending. Well I asked around but many weren’t interested and some felt uncomfortable but trust me, it was encouraging and comforting praying with Zhi Bin! I'm going to start calling him prayer buddy! Unfortunately he got confined because he lost his magazine (the one that carries rounds/bullets) during field camp. Hope his confinement's not too tough! Well the Lord will look over him, that’s for sure!
I feel very encouraged by the influence that I'm bringing into NS. Gerald and I often talk and of course God was part of our conversation. Then there was this once when we were cleaning the toilet that he started the topic and we started discussing. I knew in my heart I’m sowing seeds that will one day be reaped for I know the Lord has great plans for this young man. He is one of the best leaders I’ve encountered. John also expressed his interest to come to church. Well I believe the day of salvation is not far from them. Pray that the Holy Spirit will continue to show Himself to be real to them!
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