Recently, things haven't gone well for me. Relationship issues, Work, practically everything is running out of my control and I seem to be in a mess. It seems like I'm going in a cycle of hurt and disappointment in myself and its ever so vicious.
I just really want to make a commitment to really focus and get my life in order again. My mind is so filled with thoughts and so cluttered my words aren't even coherent...
I just really need to throw up all that is within. To put everything on paper and then from there sort them out.
I just hope I can really put things into order before I embark on my university studies in UniSIM. It's my chance of redeeming myself for not doing well for my A's. I really want to prove and make my Dad proud. I have been such a disappointment to have allowed myself to be overly arrogant and prideful. I was distracted and focused on other things but it was the arrogance and pride that I had within myself that told myself I'll be able to catch up that got me in that mess so LEARN from it.
I find myself ever so selfish, defensive and deceitful sometimes. I am not perfect and I know it. There's so much of me that needs to change.
Change is hard inside of me!
I just hope and pray that the Lord will never give up on me and to continue to do His work inside of me. To mould me and to make me into His likeness.
Dear Heavenly Father, I wonder what would you have me do with my life. What would you want me to deal with and how do you want me to deal with it? I do seek to please you but how do I go about doing so? Lord guide me and show me. I am confused. I am lost. I just hope you'll open up my eyes to see what You have in store for me.
Saturday, 25 June 2011
Friday, 6 May 2011
Father's Heart
I woke up to this song playing and I am encouraged.
I have been avoiding and shunning God for the past week feeling that I have once again disappointed Him.
I just thought that I don't think I deserve anymore of His Grace, His love and Him... I just don't understand how I can continually fail and yet He still loves me. Perhaps thats why we can never fathom the depth of His love for us. So deep He sent His only begotten son on the cross for us.
I want to turn over a new leaf and start all over again but how many times must I start all over? I don't want to go in this relentless cycle and be discouraged.
Paul advised that if we want different results, then we will have to change the process. If we keep doing the same thing, we'll just end up having the same results. Simple logic but yet how many of us are trapped in our own vicious cycle of comfort, comfort of miseries.
Do something different. Lord Help Me!
I have been avoiding and shunning God for the past week feeling that I have once again disappointed Him.
I just thought that I don't think I deserve anymore of His Grace, His love and Him... I just don't understand how I can continually fail and yet He still loves me. Perhaps thats why we can never fathom the depth of His love for us. So deep He sent His only begotten son on the cross for us.
I want to turn over a new leaf and start all over again but how many times must I start all over? I don't want to go in this relentless cycle and be discouraged.
Paul advised that if we want different results, then we will have to change the process. If we keep doing the same thing, we'll just end up having the same results. Simple logic but yet how many of us are trapped in our own vicious cycle of comfort, comfort of miseries.
Do something different. Lord Help Me!
Friday, 15 April 2011
Worship!
Worship is an intimate moment of awe, adoration n deepest admiration 4 God who loves us so unconditionally.
It is not to be adulterated;
it's a public display of affection to God which will cost us ridicule fr people of the flesh;
however,David, a man after God's heart, claimed tt he wouldn't give unto God what didn't cost him.
As a disciple, we must b willing 2 lay d cost of self-denial n denial fr d world to seek God who is seeking 4 'true worsippers who worship Him in spirit n truth' like d woman who sacrificially anointed Jesus' dusty feet w d perfume oil( to be reserved 4 her wedding; her all n best) w her hair, d most glorious part of woman(1Cor12:15). Our Lord promised tt her act of worship will b a memorial thru out the world(Matt26:13). - Aunt Sarah
Worship is an art and until we learn how to dwell in His presence and focus on Him, our hearts and mind will drift evening when we're singing songs of praise to Him.
It's more then an act of singing song, but every moment can be an act of worship. How we choose to live our life can be a form of worship unto Him. He deserves it. Are we willing to give our best to Him?
It is not to be adulterated;
it's a public display of affection to God which will cost us ridicule fr people of the flesh;
however,David, a man after God's heart, claimed tt he wouldn't give unto God what didn't cost him.
As a disciple, we must b willing 2 lay d cost of self-denial n denial fr d world to seek God who is seeking 4 'true worsippers who worship Him in spirit n truth' like d woman who sacrificially anointed Jesus' dusty feet w d perfume oil( to be reserved 4 her wedding; her all n best) w her hair, d most glorious part of woman(1Cor12:15). Our Lord promised tt her act of worship will b a memorial thru out the world(Matt26:13). - Aunt Sarah
Worship is an art and until we learn how to dwell in His presence and focus on Him, our hearts and mind will drift evening when we're singing songs of praise to Him.
It's more then an act of singing song, but every moment can be an act of worship. How we choose to live our life can be a form of worship unto Him. He deserves it. Are we willing to give our best to Him?
Sunday, 3 April 2011
Taking God for Granted
I have always thought humans are cheap cause we take things for granted ever so easily. What we have in abundant we take for granted. What we have all the time we take for granted is going to stay. We take everything for granted but I have come to a realization that there is someone that everyone takes for granted and yet He still loves us all the same. Ironically thats the reason why we take Him for granted.
I have felt like I was taken for granted at times. Having to serve when called upon or to even sacrifice as and when called upon. I was looking to the Lord for comfort while traveling on the bus when the Lord impressed upon me that isn't that how we've been treating Him. Alright alright, its how I have been treating Him. When I have the company of people or loved ones, He takes 2nd place. I don't regularly seek Him especially not when I'm having fun or when I'm taking pleasure in satisfying my flesh.
I was upset over how I was only called upon when there's trouble or problems and I was reminded that haven't I treated Him that way. Why do we take His grace for granted? Why do we take what He have done on the cross for us for granted? Of all things how could we? Yet do not all man kind do? And I can almost guarantee I will continue to do so though less deliberately.
Doubts fill us and the flesh is weak. Sometimes our faith is just not strong enough and we fail. But then can we in all this failure learn to seek Him and make a more conscientious effort to have a continual conversation and to build on our relationship with Him? I guess ultimately He knows we will always fail but it is our hearts He is searching after and when one man turns back and praise God, did not the word of God says the Heaven rejoices? Rejoice then for I am turning back to Praise God in my circumstances. =)
Dear Father Lord, even as I reflect about my suffering or the suffering of loved ones, let me turn to you and remember that You watched your Son suffer. What can be compared to what He suffered? We may never stop asking where were You when bad things happen but ultimately we trust you have a reason. We trust you have a plan. We trust that you are sovereign. We try to trust. Lord help us in our unbelief and help us in our weakness. I pray that you will impress upon my heart the importance of securing my life in you that I might come to understand better. Let me trust in your character! HELP ME LORD!!!
I have felt like I was taken for granted at times. Having to serve when called upon or to even sacrifice as and when called upon. I was looking to the Lord for comfort while traveling on the bus when the Lord impressed upon me that isn't that how we've been treating Him. Alright alright, its how I have been treating Him. When I have the company of people or loved ones, He takes 2nd place. I don't regularly seek Him especially not when I'm having fun or when I'm taking pleasure in satisfying my flesh.
I was upset over how I was only called upon when there's trouble or problems and I was reminded that haven't I treated Him that way. Why do we take His grace for granted? Why do we take what He have done on the cross for us for granted? Of all things how could we? Yet do not all man kind do? And I can almost guarantee I will continue to do so though less deliberately.
Doubts fill us and the flesh is weak. Sometimes our faith is just not strong enough and we fail. But then can we in all this failure learn to seek Him and make a more conscientious effort to have a continual conversation and to build on our relationship with Him? I guess ultimately He knows we will always fail but it is our hearts He is searching after and when one man turns back and praise God, did not the word of God says the Heaven rejoices? Rejoice then for I am turning back to Praise God in my circumstances. =)
Dear Father Lord, even as I reflect about my suffering or the suffering of loved ones, let me turn to you and remember that You watched your Son suffer. What can be compared to what He suffered? We may never stop asking where were You when bad things happen but ultimately we trust you have a reason. We trust you have a plan. We trust that you are sovereign. We try to trust. Lord help us in our unbelief and help us in our weakness. I pray that you will impress upon my heart the importance of securing my life in you that I might come to understand better. Let me trust in your character! HELP ME LORD!!!
Sunday, 27 March 2011
The Healing hand of God.
It may not be a huge testimony But I thought God should still get the Honour and Glory!
Yeows sprained his ankle while playing basketball with me yesterday. And unfortunately I was part of the cause. He landed on my leg and he got hurt. We were told by the Chinese Sinseh that there was a 50% of a fracture and so we went to TTSH A&E. That was where I got the impression to pray for him. I did and I thank God that it was just a sprain and should heal within a week.
I just want to thank God.
Furthermore, I think God deserves my praise for being there for me at my darkest hours. He have been healing me and helping me cope with all that is going on with my life. I just want to thank YOU LORD!!!
Lord I pray that your presence be ever stronger in my life. I want to live for you and be able to live out your presence in my life. I recognize that I am imperfect and am a work in progress under You. I hope that you would continue to show me your presence more strongly and tangibly in my life. In Jesus' Name, I thank you!
Yeows sprained his ankle while playing basketball with me yesterday. And unfortunately I was part of the cause. He landed on my leg and he got hurt. We were told by the Chinese Sinseh that there was a 50% of a fracture and so we went to TTSH A&E. That was where I got the impression to pray for him. I did and I thank God that it was just a sprain and should heal within a week.
I just want to thank God.
Furthermore, I think God deserves my praise for being there for me at my darkest hours. He have been healing me and helping me cope with all that is going on with my life. I just want to thank YOU LORD!!!
Lord I pray that your presence be ever stronger in my life. I want to live for you and be able to live out your presence in my life. I recognize that I am imperfect and am a work in progress under You. I hope that you would continue to show me your presence more strongly and tangibly in my life. In Jesus' Name, I thank you!
Thursday, 24 March 2011
Self discovery
Today I had to go through and plan for AOP. It's something I haven't done for a very long time. In fact I seldom had much practice on it so was pretty nervous and anxious. What made it memorable was how 'professional' we were. I got to agree I was not really putting alot of effort but did try. I felt like I did most or all the work. Not true but thats how I felt. In any case I got humiliated too cause of the poor standard which I thought wasn't my fault. There was a moment that I tried to defend myself and then I caught myself. I guess its an image we all want to protray but its not as easy as it is. Protraying the image we want? ... Its just impossible. If some of us had a choice, I guess we wont be seen by others like how we are. But its a true eye opener to have some self discovery and at the same time exposure. I have so much more to learn and develop. More like you JESUS! =)
Friday, 18 March 2011
Appreciation
How often to we feel unappreciated, not recognized and simply ignored? I bet its something that happens to everyone at some point of time.
The truth is this people are selfish and we look out for ourselves and we yearn for appreciation of ourselves but in doing so we focus on ourselves and as such we are unable to appreciate others around us.
The fact that we need to feel appreciated is because it is what we base our self worth on. We need validation from others and when others appreciate us, we feel good and know we are valued. But like I've mentioned above, human kinds are selfish, few and seldom do we get appreciated or recognized for our efforts. Hence the need for self validation. we got to recognize our own efforts and encourage ourselves. Knowing within our hearts of heart itself that we have done the right thing, done the best that we can, should be encouragement enough to push us in the right direction even if people do not give us a pat on the back.
I dont know what you would gather from this but always do the right thing despite not being appreciated is something that I thought is of great value. of course there might be many other thoughts on these idea but lets keep it short. =)
The truth is this people are selfish and we look out for ourselves and we yearn for appreciation of ourselves but in doing so we focus on ourselves and as such we are unable to appreciate others around us.
The fact that we need to feel appreciated is because it is what we base our self worth on. We need validation from others and when others appreciate us, we feel good and know we are valued. But like I've mentioned above, human kinds are selfish, few and seldom do we get appreciated or recognized for our efforts. Hence the need for self validation. we got to recognize our own efforts and encourage ourselves. Knowing within our hearts of heart itself that we have done the right thing, done the best that we can, should be encouragement enough to push us in the right direction even if people do not give us a pat on the back.
I dont know what you would gather from this but always do the right thing despite not being appreciated is something that I thought is of great value. of course there might be many other thoughts on these idea but lets keep it short. =)
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