What are my thoughts/feelings on 231209 with Pst Nathan Shaw

I was eager to receive, so eager when Pst Nathan asked us to stand, I was the 1st. I wanted what I'm missing out on. I want all God could give. I want to see what He can do, what I can do with Him and what He can do through me. Yes I'm being selfish here, its about what I want! Pst Nathan said its ok to be righteously selfish!

ME, ME, ME! I want it too Lord! After seeing so many people get drunk and getting into the Spirit, I wanted too but it just didn't touch me. I started to think and wonder, what does God want to achieve through all this? What does God want to do with me in the midst of all this?

Why am I not receiving?

I started to realize how hard my heart have become. I've forgotten how to laugh and it's been an awfully long time since the last time I laugh. To be like a child again and laugh. A child can laugh up to 400 times a day and an adult only 17. What is wrong?

Skepticism? Perhaps. We don't trust so easily anymore. We ask, we doubt, we question everything that happens. We ask why, how etc. Its programmed into us. We've become so independent that we forget what it's like to depend. Is that it?

Oh and 1 more thing, we're just to full, so full that nothing can get it anymore. We ask the Holy Spirit to fill us? But our cup is already overflowing? overflowing with what? OURSELVES! Seems like there's a whole lot of clutter to clear.

Lord I pray that you'll reveal what's inside of heart and You remove together with us all that's not suppose to be there. Just so that You can take your rightful place in our heart. A nice, purified and beautiful heart.