What I think

Hereditary disease? I think they that it is as John 9 says, Neither this man nor the parents sinned but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. No doubt through Adam, we as his decendents are plagued with this hereditary disease of sin, but it did not happened so that we may suffer. God definitely do not rejoice at you suffering over such pain for no good reason. All this happened that GOD MIGHT BE DISPLAYED IN HIS LIFE! So lets pray and believe together that God will heal!

My Real Hurts

The Birthday celebration went well enough. I managed to do up the decorations with the help of my Bros and bro and get everything sorted out. Even when food ran out, the contingency worked out fine and it wasn't too big a hick up. The only regret was that it seem like I've neglected some people and have not been a good host. But ultimately I am not pleased nor happy. Well I did enjoy the company and simply presence of those that I love, my buddies in OCS, Matt and Jun Quan, Choir mates from Aureole, Min and my Bros. BUT I am unhappy cause no one except for a few cares. I feel alone and abandoned and unloved. VERY.

The reason why I even have a celebration is simply because my mum got pressurized to do it or it'll look bad on her. If not, it'll just be another year and I would have been happy to spend it like any other day because the only significance to me about a birthday is that its the start of one's life. Furthermore I see no significance in the age 21. Does the Bible say anything about young man and woman turning 21? NO! its a custom, tradition, a practice that people in this generation have that says you earn your right as an adult and the key to your life is presented to you(in a metaphorical sense). Guess what I've long earned that right though not all might agree and it is definitely NOT earn by the number of years you live. My father have long given me free reign. With guidance of course. So to me it means nothing to me that I'm turning 21 other then that fact that I'm older now.

I simply cannot understand why have a celebration if it was never intended to celebrate? Why say its for my birthday when the point is not about me(Not that I want it to be)? Why do you suggest it when you have absolutely no intentions of helping in any way? I had thought that the idea of a birthday celebration is to celebrate the life of a person, to make him/her happy. Apparently not in my case. I was not only unhappy but unloved, dejected and used. WHY DO I HAVE TO PLAN MY OWN BIRTHDAY, PAY FOR MY OWN BIRTHDAY AND DO EVERY OTHER THING MYSELF WHEN I DON'T WANT IT? WHY? Alright for God you say, for my parents, fine, I'll do it which I did. I did it to the best I can, washing the place, designing and decorating the place, design the cake, name it and I had a hand in it. WHY SUGGEST WHEN YOU HAVE NO INTENTIONS OF DOING ANYTHING FOR ME? Celebrate my Birthday? hahaha it's not in the least funny.

Wishing people happy birthday made me think about people wishing me happy birthday and me trying to force out a smile. What so happy about birthdays? Other people had their parents, friends to help them plan and organize to surprise them, to make them happy? what did I get? NOTHING

So whose going to share my burden? I helped carry others but who is going to help me? Who do I have left but the Lord? But it seems even He have chosen to leave me alone or maybe its a phase of growing up. I'll choose to believe its the later. That's why we call it faith? Choosing to believe.

Lord take my hurts and replace it with your joy. Men disappoint but You do not.

The Last Week of January

Its been a hectic week having Instructor's Development Programme, Planning for Friday night for my BRO gang and For Saturday night. Sometimes don't you just wish you have a personal assistant to help you take care of certain administrative matters while you can focus on more important things like planning and so on.

Currently I feel like I'm just planning all this so that my parents will be pleased. I'm rather sure that if Aunt Sarah haven't kept asking my mum and if not for Wei Ting's Birthday, I won't be celebrating mine. Its not really for me cause if it is, why am I doing all the things? The buffet, the cake, the place, the arrangement of activities, the decorations... My celebration? For me? or for them? And in fact we're celebrating my parent's 22nd Anniversary. So yup its for them. And I in my midst of traveling up and down Jurong and Hougang almost 3 times a week is not spared from having to oversee everything and to do everything myself. I'm tired and sick of having to please people. I really cannot be very bothered anymore. =(

Anyway praise God that He have been graceful though and have provided me in terms of transport and all. Take this Wednesday, I needed to be in camp by 6 and cause of Aureole Practice the night before I have to sleep at home. I'll have to wake up at 5 to catch a cab. There's no way of catching apublic transport and still being on time. Whats more I have to go get my equipment and gears from my bunk which is a far off place from my office, where we're supposed to gather. BUt Praise God, He arranged for my dad to go to Jurong for live firining that day. So not only do I not need to wake up that early but also get a free ride. On top of that he drove me to my bunk pick up my gear and drove me to my office! Of course I give thanks for having a great dad whose willing to do all these for me as well but you can't deny that God is good. =) A great natural father and a Great Heavenly father, well guess I have less to complain than I think I have.

Lord, I pray that you will help ease the trouble in my heart and see that it's alright to plan all the things by myself. Its preparing me to plan for greater events. I need all the exposure and experience that I can get. Whats more I have a group of Bros who will stick by me to help me on Sat. They may not be believers but they I believe they will one day see that you are not just a far off God. You're my Father and their Father. Father, I'm thankful for all that you've done for me all this time. The past 21 years. I may not have known you for a very long time but definitely You've known me for all my life. You're the one who formed me in your image and has blessed me richly. I've experienced life and seen enough to know briefly how I should and want to live my life. I just ask that you'll reveal more Wisdom through your word that I may live my life wisely, righteously, pleasing in your sight. Help me always to see the bright side of things and choose to oversee the negative side. In Jesus's name, Amen!

The start of discipleship

I still remember about a year ago, I wrote an entry concerning my spiritual state at that moment being comparable to the rich young man mentioned in Matthew 19:16-30, Mark 10:17-30 and Luke 18:18-30. But Praise God, I believe I'm now moving on to identify myself with the other disciples rather then the rich young man.

As I was seeking the Lord yesterday morning, the thought dawned upon me concerning the conversion of the disciples as compared to the rich young man. In Matthew 4:19, "Come follow me." Jesus said, " and I will make you fishers of men." 4:20, "at once they left their nets and followed him." Are you seeing the contrast that I saw? The emphasis is on verse 20 when the 2 brothers left all and followed Him. IMMEDAITELY, without hesitation, questioning, they GAVE UP everything. As compared to the ruch young man. After questioning Jesus about goodness and knowing that He is Lord and God, he refused to give up his great wealth to follow Him even after Jesus personally invited him.

The rich young man had failed to recognize that this Jesus is the one that have all. The One that can satisfy a person in every sense, providing in the physical, the comforting in the emotion, truth to guide one's life and most importantly the goodness that he had asked about. He is good. The disciples realizing this forsook all to gain ALL in Christ. Until we do that we can never truely become disciples of our Lord.

Surrendering, giving up, leaving behind to follow Him. Its not easy but I believe that He is calling us as He is calling out to the disciples and the rich young man. COME, FOLLOW ME! We have 2 choices and I've come to choose that which I've not chosen before not seeing the light. I pray that you will see the light and be encouraged to follow as the disciples did instead of the rich young man. HOWEVER bear in mind even if you are not prepared to forsake all, the Lord did say, With God all things are possible! He will not give up on those He have called. =)

He is no fool who give up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. Jim Elliot

Dedicated to my Dad

We've had a wonderful time spent together last week after we finish work on Tuesday and Wednesday and I thank God for the opportunity for us to bond as father and son, JUST the both of us.

Tuesday I had the opportunity to go to my Dad's camp and see what he did. I'm not impress and rather upset that at his age and seniority he still has to do so much when the officers are enjoying themselves. One of the reason I can't agree with the hierarchy system of the military, because people are not given the opportunity to be the best that they can be and they are being short changed. Well my dad is amongst many others. We went home after that to have dinner at home together. Of which I thought the ride back was rather important. Cause it forces us to converse, to share and to love, not that we need forcing. But its just that there was nothing else that could seriously preoccupy us and we might as well use the time wisely to improve the bond.

My dad have sacrificed a lot for us and through out our lives, he have made tremendous contributions to groom us to who we are today. When we were much younger, he was a disciplinarian, well what can you expect from a Sergeant Major right? He thought us all that there is, swimming, cycling, you name it he did it. He planned our time such that we learned things that were meant for the next year. He took great interest in our studies, volunteering at our school and actively participating in our education. I always remember my teacher saying to him, what did you do with your sons? and its makes him swell with pride. We are his greatest achievements after all.

He lost his parents when he was 15, all was left for him was an empty beer bottle and so he had to depend on his brothers who were much older. He didn't have much of an education, merely finish primary school and thats it. He was in commando's and was the pioneer to form Guards, thats why I am so proud of being a Guardsman. I want to carry on his legacy, to fulfill his dreams cause he has poured out all that there is into us.

He is currently in GuangZhou right now. The night before he left, as I was walking back home, the thought of what would happened if my dad was to pass away in an accident of a sudden? what change would it make to my life? I realize that I would start living more to his standards. He has very high standards of us well cause he was never privilege enough to have many things and he wanted us to be able to achieve his dreams. In some sense he is living his life through us and I would want to live my life out so that he will be proud. Proud enough to say, "This is my son whom I've raised!" Proud enough to say, " Well done my son" All children seek for their parents approval and I am not any different but I want it cause I want my dad to be happy, to feel fulfilled that he's efforts all the years have not gone to waste, that he has not lived his live in vain! =)

Thank you Hevenly Father for giving me such a wonderful dad. I can never ask for a better earthly father. Really! Lord I pray that he may come to know who you are. The Father that he never had, the Father that had prepared an inheritence for him, the Father that had watch over him all this year and the Father that had given him 2 sons! =) He may be 51 this year but in your eyes, is he not a child? It is as if you were still forming him. The plans that you have for him. I deeply believe that one of his purpose in his lives is to raise the both of us and I'm sure Lord, you will commend him, "Well done my son"! For he has done a great job, haven't he? Lord all Glory to you who sit on the highest!

Winning and Losing

What is competition all about? Is it as the world see it today, all about winning. There's no 2nd and 3rd, there's only the 1st and if you're not the 1st then forget about everything else. There's no place for 2nd place? Have you start to wonder why God allow competition?

I personally had some experience in this and would like to share my views on this. Recently I went for a drill competition. And well I'm very proud to say we got 3rd! 3rd out of 3 teams. Yes you heard me right. We were 3rd but last none the least. However I am not grieving over the lost but rejoicing cause we knew we gave our best and I think thats what competition is really all about: bringing the best out of very body! Winning is a bonus to encourage and losing should serve as a motivation to improve and try harder.

I read in "Tuesday with Morrie", there was a competition going on and a particular group were chanting something along the lines of "we are number 1" then Morrie in all his wisdom, stood up and shouted over:" whats wrong with being number 2?'. The crowd immediately went silent.

Thats right what's wrong with being number 2? God calls for us to excel, to have the spirit of excellence, not have the spirit of winning. I do know that in the word of God, Paul mentioned, who run the race to lose , but all run to win the crown. Thats not wrong cause the attitude/principle behind what Paul is trying to say is that we should focus on the crown, the prize and press on towards the prize. However in this case, everyone who completes the race gets a prize.

The first shall be last and the last shall be first. Ever wonder why Jesus said this to the disciples? The disciples were all arguing who should be 1st. Naturally who doesn't right? But the Lord wants us not to put so much emphasis on who is 1st and who is last. All should give their best and be the best that each one can be and fully utilized the gifts and talents that each is endowed with instead of struggling for positions. I may not have understood this passage fully yet. But at this current moment, thats what I gather. That the Lord does not want us contenting for positions and focus on winning and being 1st. He wants us focus on bringing our best out through healthy motivation in competition.

So I think its time we get our thinking sorted out and focus on what is important. Not so much of winning but bringing our best out. Thats what competition is really all about.

Lord I pray that you'll get our hearts in the right place and not content within ourselves or with one another for position, power of fame through winning. You allow for competition and comparisons not to bring anyone down but to encourage and to help everyone realize their true potential. Allow us to see that there is nothing wrong with being 2nd or even last as long as we've given our best. Thats whats most important, to use what you have given to us to the fullest potential. Thank you for sharing this with me and I pray that you might change the way I act according to this belief as well. In Jesus name's Amen

The 1st week of the new year

This whole one week have been filled with all sorts of excitement and freshness though of course I still get the fair share of frustration and emotions of ups and down like everyone else.

I was on a course that showed me how we can solve problems with a critical(in a positive light) and creative mind. Its a amazing how we can use our mind and by realizing somethings change our foundation of belief which in turn change our attitude and behaviour. 1 major bring away was on the memory. Will you believe me if I gave you a set of 30 random words and ask you to memorize them and be able to say it forward and backwards within 5mins or less? The truth is most of us can. Cool right? So now that we realize what God have given us, lets not waste it.

TO WHOM MUCH HAVE BEEN GIVEN, MUCH WILL BE EXPECTED FROM YOU

I got to explore my Dad's camp and allowed him to show me what he does. I'm really proud of my Dad and respect him for sacrificing so much for us. He was training under the Special Operations Force and went through the Ranger Course(TOUGHEST COURSE in SAF) until he gave it all up to set up a family. He stayed in the Force mainly to provide for the family and I'm grateful. When I was there, I felt immensely for him, in particular why his life was so hard. His parents passed away when he was 15 leaving him nothing but an empty beer bottle. He pretty much had to survive on his own without much education and now still has to work tirelessly everyday despite his seniority and age. I'm glad he has 2 great achievements, his 2 sons(=p) despite all this. I'm sure he is comforted. =) Thank God for my Dad for grooming 2 great sons. =)

Oh and on one of this night as I was on my way home, I met Mr Goh (the partially blind man that sells tissue paper at Yio Chu Kang MRT station since I was in College). We've become friends since I was in College and we do contact one another especially since he's a brother. =) As I was going to transfer to a bus, I passed by the spot, that usual spot that Mr Goh use to sit and sell tissue. And to my surprise, he was there after such a long time of not seeing him. I was tired and wanted to go home as soon as possible. Whats more we just chatted one the phone 1-2 weeks back. But somehow after I walked a distance away, the Lord brought me back right in front of him wanting me to encourage him. So I still in uniform squatted there and chatted with him. It was comforting knowing that the Lord still provides for him and allows him to worship on Sunday with a congregation at Presbyterian High School. And as we chat, I saw(cause he can't see so I can't say we saw) God's hands of providence through people. I was encouraged. Even as we chatted, he himself offer words of encouragement and help me see that our life is in His hands. I went back home that night feeling good that His love have manifested in that conversation. Hopefully time will permit me to bring him out again.

That pretty much summarized it all.

I pray that as I begin to align my life to You, You will guide me and show me the Destiny that You have planned for me. May your work be done for the harvest is full. Gather your sons and daughters, Heavenly Father and unite us as one to work on the harvest.